When The Inside Wants Out
by Expert Shinobi
Summary: Team Satomi is drifting apart and Liz is taking it the hardest. Her feelings for Takeshi have been exceeding friendship, but now that Fantine has taken her place in his life, she finds herself stranded between what she wants and needs. Takeshi/Liz/Alex
1. Faithful Dreamer

**AN:** I started reflecting a little recently and I felt bad that I have so many unfinished stories lying around here. It's unfair to the people who read them, no matter how few, and I should at least put forth an effort. So, since I really liked this show, I'm going to do my best here first. But as I read through it recently I realized how much my char. development and writing in general sucked, so all my chapters have been updated! Yay!

**Ages (I've altered the storyline so that this takes place two years after the end of the IGPX show):**

**Takeshi Jin** - 18 years old

**Liz Ricarro **- 19 years old

**Alex 'Cunningham' Hume **- 24 years old

**Amy Stapleton** - 16 years old

**Fantine Valjean** - 19 years old

**Yuri Jin **- 16 years old

**Miss Satomi** - 20 years old (I think it's bizarre that she's younger than a lot of the racers in IGPX. lol)

* * *

**Title:** When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter one: **Faithful Dreamer

* * *

"Jeeze, it's just like Takeshi to do something like this!" I growled as I balanced a stack of my playbooks in my arms along with some of our star forward's.

It was late at night, but still I stumbled over myself to make it to Takeshi's house in the dark.

"Always leaving his stuff all over the place…he's so absentminded!" I yelled to no one in particular, but when pictured Takeshi's apologetic smile, I sighed.

It wasn't as if I could expect anything else from him. He had been so busy lately with fans and interviews and training, he didn't have time for my "petty little games." I scowled at the thought of one of our conversations last week. It was during practice when I made a backhand comment about how he'd been avoiding the team lately. As usual he got all pissy and remarked that I was the one who needed the practice, not him. I don't know how I'd ever kidded myself believing we were close. I was just another person Takeshi had to step over in order to get where he wanted in life. I just had to except it, once and for all.

As soon as I figured I was far enough down the street, squinted out into the darkness, desperate to spot Takeshi's house. Blinking twice to clear the sleep from my eyes, I plowed on, smiling when I saw a large white banner with the words: "Congratulations Takeshi!" stretched across.

I didn't want to be angry about it, but for some reason, I was. His family had every right to celebrate his win, but the thought of him sharing cake and ice-cream with his mother and sister while Amy and I had drinks alone, burned me a little. Sometimes he just didn't have any consideration for the team.

_Would it have killed him to invite us over?_ I wondered.

"He's so inconsiderate," I muttered the words under my breath and before I could stop myself, slammed my fist into the doorbell.

It was far too late to be running around the dark ringing people's doorbells. I should have just left the playbooks on the porch and ran, but before I even had the change to lean down, the door swung open. Before me, Takeshi's sister Yuri stood, looking drowsy. I hadn't seen her much over the past two years, but even in her state of disarray, she looked much more mature. Her brown hair was in a spilling out of a ponytail and a half-eaten stick of pocky was stuck to the corner of her mouth. Before she came to her senses, she reached out of sight and grabbed a pair of glasses sitting on the table inside.

"Damn," I hugged the books to my chest, sheepish. "I'm sorry about this. I—

"Liz Ricarro…do you know what time it is?" Yuri cut me off with a sleepy grin. She opened the door a little further and let me step into the house. It was shrouded in darkness, but still I felt comforting warmth. I couldn't think of what I had waiting for me back at home – cold, sterile, emptiness.

"Yeah I…" I started playing with my hair. "I'm sorry. It's just, Takeshi left these books back at the center and I didn't want him to—

"—Liz, it's okay," Yuri closed the door behind us and then put a finger to her lips. "You don't have to make an excuse to see my bro."

"E-excuse?" I nearly dropped the books as I realized what she thought was going on. "No—

"—I know it seems like he and Fantine have been going strong for a while, but honestly, I think you'd mesh way better with him."

She gave me a little wink and I shook my head. "You've got the wrong idea," I tried, but Takeshi's little sis continued to lead me through the house, right into the kitchen.

"We've got cake and food left over from the party," she tried to get me to sit. "You can have a little with me before you go upstairs."

"No thanks," I forced a smile. "Listen, I really just came to drop this off. Maybe you could give it to him…"

Yuri stared at me for a long while and then lifted the plastic wrap off a plate of frosted cookies. I said nothing while she took a large bite of one, chewed, and swallowed.

"It's the door on the right, you can go right in," she pointed up the spiral staircase with a little grin. "But be sure to be quiet, my parents are sleeping," she touched a finger to her lips and then disappeared around the corner with another cookie.

Sighing to myself, I ascended the staircase and tried my best to avoid the squeaky spots on my way to Takeshi's room. After stumbling around in the dark and into an empty bathroom, I finally found it. I balanced the books on one hand and unlocked the door with the other. Desperately, I tried to keep the stack in order, but failed miserably. Two fell right off the top and thudded on the ground. The sound was muffled into the plush carpeting, but I couldn't keep the grimace off my face.

I took a little peek inside. Takeshi was lying back in bed, quiet. With a tired sigh, I closed the door behind me and took four books off my stack. Carefully, I laid them on his side table, and then stared at Takeshi's sleeping form. His hair was ruffled, his usual side cowlick sticking up.

"Takeshi…"I said his name under my breath, not sure if I was angry, or just dazed.

Without a second thought, I took a seat in a chair next to his bed and glared him down. Amy would say I had no reason to be angry. After all, Takeshi was the leader. The forward. He was the won who had pulled through and won us the race against Sledge Mamma earlier in the day. It didn't matter if it was by a hair, Takeshi did it. He always did it, and it seemed I just had to learn my place.

I snorted to myself and clenched my fists. Sure, he'd never outright said it to me, but I knew what he thought. I was just backup.

"Why can't I be like you…?" I whispered, watching Takeshi's chest rise and fall with even breaths. He looked as if he didn't have a care in the world. I couldn't even remember a time when I had slept like that.

"Everything comes so easy…" My voice was barely audible, tapering off as I felt tears begin to form at the corners of my eyes.

'_Snap out of it Liz…' _I thought, and unclenched my fists. I was never really someone who would share my jealousy, but lately it'd been bubbling up in me and overflowing. Takeshi was growing as a racer and individual and leaving me behind. The difference between us was widening exponentially.

"You don't know how lucky you are," I sighed heavily.

Suddenly, I thought of how hard it must be for him, to have all the pressure on his shoulders, and felt ashamed.

"You take it for granted with this one track mind of yours. You don't even hang out with us anymore. With…me anymore. It's always Fantine!" I heightened the volume of my whisper, and touched his hand.

Takeshi moved involuntarily, and I retracted, smiling wistfully.

"What am I talking about?" I scolded myself and then looked back to Takeshi. "It's not about her. I just wish…I wish you knew how much this means. This partnership. This friendship. Just…don't leave me," A tear rolled down my left cheek, but I did nothing to stop it.

"Don't leave me behind." I whispered to Takeshi, and then looked out the open window, blowing cool kisses against my skin.

A second tear came – then a third – a fourth… Soon I was crying, stifling my sobs in my hands. I felt so angry at myself, but once I started, I couldn't stop. Crying wasn't something I ever did in person. It was reserved for nights at home with a slice of chocolate cake and my face pressed against the cold arm of a leather couch.

"Takeshi please," I managed to choke out.

I lowered my hand from my face and then tried to stroke down his cowlick. For once, it stayed down.

"Takeshi…" I whimpered. "You damn jerk."

I closed my eyes and continued to sob, as quietly as possible. However, I heard him stir, and knew it wasn't quiet enough. I gasped as I saw his eyes flutter open. For a brief moment he was disoriented and said nothing, but the second I moved, he spoke.

"Liz?" he murmured drowsily, and stared straight into my eyes. "You're…"

He reached out to touch me, but I pulled away, embarrassed, and angry for getting so emotional.

"I'm sorry!" I sputtered, careless, and ran.

I stumbled at first at in edge in the carpet and but then grabbed the side of his dresser and propelled myself out of the room. I heard Takeshi's footsteps trailing me downstairs, but I kept going, not even remembering my playbooks. I didn't stop until I got outside, and even then, I speed walked to the end of the street. From the corner, I watched him stand on the doorstep in sweatpants and white T, his cowlick pointed up. Quickly, I looked away.

"Dammit," I whispered to myself, and hurried home. I couldn't face him again…not after that….

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I know Liz is OOC, but a gal can't put up a strong front all the time, can she?


	2. Air Training

**Title: **When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter two: **Air Training

**AN:** Another updated chapter! (1/11/10)

* * *

I was worn out. Our season's first race against Sledge Mamma had really taken it out of me. Winning by a hair was kind of my specialty, and I had done it, even with the constant negativity that radiated off my teammate, Liz Ricarro. It seemed lately she'd been pissier than ever. However, I had to hand it to her, the pressure improved my game. As long as I kept winning, she could shout up a storm for all I cared.

With a smile, I reenacted the race mentally, sitting up on my bed in formation. Grinning, I grabbed the imaginary controls, and moved my body with every turn, bump, and scrape. It was a ritual I enjoyed every night after a race. For a moment, I could concentrate.

Soon, I had crossed the finish line, and the cheering of the crowd got the best of me. Immediately, I fell flat against the mattress, and sighed, staring at the ceiling. Sure, I wasn't the most cooperative or the one with the most wins, but everyone would agree I had the potential. Sometimes I just wondered when I'd have the prowess to put it to good use.

Slowly, I began to drift, but didn't resist the pull of sleep.

Lately, I had been having vivid dreams of meadows. They really seemed to calm me. But this time, I could hear someone crying. It was faint at first, like a whisper, and then it built up.

"Takeshi…"

I heard my name being called, and shifted as I felt the slightest bit of pressure on my body.

"Oh Takeshi…"

There was soft whimpering, and I could tell it was a female voice. At first, I thought it was Fantine, but the tone had an edge. It wasn't as soft and refined, and it certainly wasn't French.

"Takeshi...you damn jerk,"

At that moment, I realized it was the voice of my own teammate. '_Liz?_' I thought. Immediately, I was disturbed. Never in my life had I heard Liz cry and the sound was like nails on a chalkboard, shaking me from the inside out. I wasn't the most sensitive person, but all I wanted to do was make it stop.

"Liz?" I murmured drowsily, and stared straight into her eyes, brimming with tears. "You're—

Instinctively, I reached out to touch her cheek; maybe to brush away the tears…I don't know. I was too sleepy to figure anything out. She pulled away without even a second of hesitation.

"I'm sorry!" Liz blurted suddenly, and I jumped up after her.

Liz sped out of the room, trying her hardest to evade me. As she hit the pavement outside, I lost track of her. Tired and confused, I just shook my head. I didn't get it. What was Liz doing in my house, and why was she crying?

With a soft sigh, I closed the door behind me and retreated back to my bedroom. With any luck, it was just a bad dream.

* * *

"What was up with Liz last night?" I was coming down the stairs when my sister popped out in front of me, smiling quizzically.

"Huh…oh. I don't know," I said softly, and stuffed a piece of toast in my mouth.

I tried to forget the incident last night, but…couldn't. Every time I closed my eyes, or let my mind wander, images of Liz in tears came back to me. I couldn't help wonder what her deal was.

'_Was it because I didn't invite her to the celebration?'_ I rolled my eyes at the thought. She'd been making a big deal of calling me an "egomaniac" lately, but it was really all in her own head. I was the leader of the team. She should have known better than to think I'd be free for her to pick on al the time. As tough as it might have been for her to handle, the papers and magazines didn't want to interview a defender. They wanted to talk to the forward – the leader, the one responsible for the wins.

It might have sounded harsh, but it was something she needed to deal with. Amy had never been resentful to me, but Liz always had an issue. All I wanted was for the mood to be right again.

"Takeshi…" Yuri prodded me, staring at me as if I was batty.

"What?" I blurted.

"I was just wondering—

"—look, I'm sorry," I cut her off. "I already said I don't know what her deal was. But I do know I've got to get out of here," I smiled, and ruffled her hair. Wearing a black T-shirt, and some running shorts, I headed off.

Our race with Velshtein was coming up soon, so I figured it would be best for me to finally get some training in with the team. In all honesty, that was something I hadn't done in a while—think of the team. An image of Liz flashed in my head and I chewed my lip.

Even though I didn't want to admit it, she was right on that front. I had been spending a lot of time with Fantine lately, but the last thing I wanted was to make my girlfriend mad. It was only a year ago we'd taken a break when she went to visit her family in France, and during that time my relationship with Liz had grown stronger. But since Fantine came back…

'_Maybe that's what she's pissed off about?'_

"Takeshi…"

I closed my eyes and started a jog, Liz's whisper still buzzing in my head. It pissed me off. She wasn't my girlfriend. She couldn't demand my time, no matter how much I—

"—Take…shi."

I jogged a little faster, trying to evade it.

"Takeshi!"

The voice became more distinct, and I opened my eyes. Fantine stood before me, wearing a knee-length white dress dotted with sunflowers. In her hands, she carried a white and blue parasol, which she smiled out from under.

"Going to run me down…eh? Silly," she touched my cheek, and it took all I had not to retract.

The touch was too familiar, and I was still on edge from the night before.

"You okay, Takeshi?" she asked, her smile moulding into a pretty frown.

I smiled back at her, but it was weak.

"I'm fine," I lied. "I'm just on my way somewhere. I…"

"I was thinking that maybe we could go out to lunch, you know?" Fantine interrupted. She was back to grinning and looked playful.

I smiled coolly, knowing she had in mind a bit more than lunch. Over the past few weeks, we had gotten closer as friends, and as a couple. Even though my races with her had to be some of the toughest internal battles I had ever faced, it didn't stop me from wanting her. When Liz wasn't around, I felt I needed her for some sort of completion.

"That'd be nice," I said with my usual masking smile. "Call me later."

"Sure thing, love."

Fantine brushed a lock of hair from my eyes, and kissed my forehead. My cheeks pinkened, but I still felt empty. I smiled, watching her go, and tried to shake Liz from my thoughts. It seemed she was the only thing keeping me from enjoying the day.

"See ya, I whispered, and headed for Team Satomi headquarters.

As I rounded the corner, I passed Mark, who gave me a quick smile and wave. I almost couldn't bring myself to return it, but my manners got the best of me. After changing into my training clothes, I picked up my wooden practice sword and headed for the recreation area.

I spotted Liz before she saw me, and approached apprehensively. After last night, I was sure she'd be embarrassed.

'She should be.'

She was on the exercise bike, pedaling furiously and sneaking peeks at the door opposite to me. Secretly, I really liked watching her exercise. There was something sensual about the way her body moved in a run and the sheen of sweat that glistened on her warm, brown skin after an hour of bikram yoga. I smiled, remembering when Amy had dragged all three of us to a class. After a while, Amy could barely take the heat and it turned into a match between Liz and I show each other who was boss. She could be overly competitive sometimes, but it was what made her fun. I could still remember the shape her body took in the downward facing dog position and the way her breasts pushed against her sticky, wet shirt. She never did wear a bra on those days…

I smiled to myself at the memory. It wasn't as if I was romantically invested – I just liked T&A. That wasn't a crime, was it?

As I approached the workout area I could tell Liz and Amy had just had a fight. There was a tense air, but just before I reached them, Liz jumped off the bike with a few words I couldn't hear. Quickly, she turned to the side and came face to face with me.

I watched her cheeks flood with color, and then started to speak first, unsure.

"Hey Liz…"

She seemed to space out for a moment, but came back to reality almost immediately.

"I gotta go," Liz said firmly, and rushed out towards the locker rooms, leaving Amy and I staring at one another.

Now Amy was someone I could relate to. She wasn't an enigma like Liz. She let people know what she was feeling, and ever since she'd turned 16 and her family had made the decision to move closer to their daughter and work from home, she'd seemed to find her voice on the team.

"What'd you do Takeshi?" Amy asked with a playful frown. She turned up the resistance on the elliptical and continued her walk as I floundered.

I blushed hopelessly.

"It wasn't me. I swear. She…" I sighed, and went over to start practicing some moves. When she discovered I was out of her line of sight, Amy hopped off the machine and picked up a jump rope.

"She what?" she asked, her eyes shimmering with curiosity.

"Last night. She was crying…over me. I mean, when I woke up…she was there," I did a strike in mid air, causing Amy to back up.

She blushed, and thought hard, Luca meowing at her side.

"That's right luca! Liz said you left some playbooks here. Maybe she was at your house to return them."

I frowned.

"But what about the crying?" I was still confused, but Amy just gave a lighthearted shrug.

"I've only seen Liz cry once. It had to be something serious to make her just burst into tears like that," Amy said with a bit of worry in her voice. "But then again…maybe you were just imagining things."

I thought about what she had just said, and my expression turned grim. Liz was never an emotional sort, and this kind of behavior could ruin her focus…and my nerves. I mean, I was actually worried about her – worried _for _her.

"You've seen her cry?" I pressed. "What was that about?"

Amy stopped jumping rope and lowered her gaze to the floor. She looked strangely uncomfortable.

"Nothing. It was like a year ago."

'_A year ago?'_ I wanted to push Amy on it, but she dropped her rope and turned back to the elliptical without another word. It was clearly a touchy subject for her, and I didn't want to piss another one of my teammates off.

With a sigh, I dropped my shinai, and headed off towards the locker rooms. There was no back exit, and I hoped to trap Liz and talk to her at least. We didn't have to be buddy-buddy again, but I wanted all the tenseness to stop. How would we win against Velshtein if she didn't have my back?

I pushed open the door on the girl's side, and leaned in halfway.

"Liz?!" I called.

There was no response. I sighed and listened to the water running. It was strange to me. Hardly anyone on our team used the showers. The water almost always ran cold, and our midday workouts were never serious enough to warrant it.

The water flow cut off abruptly, and I could hear Liz's voice, accompanied by another, deeper tone. It was more than familiar, and I recognized it instantly.

_River. _

I couldn't remember when last I'd seen him. Two years prior he'd raced with Sledge Mamma, but after they were bumped from the competition early, River had pretty much disappeared.

"…I forgot them."

I heard the end of Liz's sentence before silence took over. Suddenly, there was a shuffle, and I could see Liz standing before River in her towel, looking quite embarrassed and angry. I was about to burst in on the scene, and split up the whole awkward tension when I saw River lift his shirt up over his head. Immediately, I shut the door and hurried back into the recreation room. Whatever River was doing…I didn't want to know about.

_Liz and River? _ I shook my head in disbelief. I'd never seen Liz date anyone before, let alone be in a position like the one I'd just witnessed. It left a bad taste in my mouth. She was nineteen and attractive – I knew she had to have _some _experience, but for some reason, I felt more comfortable when I thought she was alone.

"Shit," I turned around and spotted Amy on the treadmill, watching me with an amused expression.

I did my best to ignore her and picked up my shinai again. I stabbed and sliced at the air in front of me, picturing River. And for more reasons than one, with all the anger inside me, I wanted to destroy it.

"Damn it!"


	3. Big Fish

**Title: **When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter three: **Big Fish

**AN: Updated as of 1/11/10**

* * *

"Hey Liz, what are you doing?" Amy asked with a frown as she caught me sneaking rapid glances at the door of the Team Satomi training room.

"Just tell me when Takeshi gets in, okay?" I said panted, pedaling furiously on the exercise bike.

Amy was on the elliptical machine next to me, and smiled knowingly. Although I was usually a private person, I had –over a drink or two—discussed my feelings for Takeshi with her. It was a while back, but she'd never let me live it down. And now that Takeshi was with Fantine again, she had this insane notion I should be fighting for his honor.

"Why would you want to avoid him?" She teased. "I thought you li—

"—Why don't you just stop running your mouth, and mind your own business, cat girl?!" I shouted, and let go of the bike handlebars.

The comment was extremely bitchy of me, but I couldn't help it. Although Amy tried her hardest, she couldn't really understand me much anymore. We used to bond over the bit of loneliness we shared, but ever since her parents had made the decision to support and move closer to the city, she'd understandably wanted to spend more time with them and less with me. I knew it was a bit selfish of me to think that way, especially knowing the struggles Amy had with her family, but it sucked being alone and I was tired of hanging around with random IGPX fans of the male persuasion just for some temporary company.

I jerked to a stop, and jumped off my bike. My hair was slick with sweat, and stayed glued to the side of my face, immobile. Disgusting. At that moment I saw Takeshi, dressed in training clothes, rounding the corner with his shinai. Our eyes met, and my cheeks flooded with color as I remembered last night.

"Liz…" he started, unsure.

For some reason I imagined a different scenario – one of running my fingers through his dark tresses, revealing all my greatest fears. However, I snapped myself out of that in an instant.

"I gotta go," I said firmly, and rushed out.

Mentally, I cursed myself. Since when had I been one to run away from my problems? I was supposed to face them head on. However, the thought of confessing my feelings for Takeshi made me feel sick and idiotic. He was in love with Fantine. Both of them had made that as clear as day.

'_And yet…'_

I started to think of the year before when Fantine wasn't around, and my heart sank.

'_Why did he make it seem like…'_

Quietly, I disappeared into the locker rooms, and hid in the shower. With a closed fist, I slammed the tile beneath me.

"Why am I such an idiot?" I asked, angrily, but was unable to provide myself with a response.

Listlessly, I lifted a hand and turned on the water for the shower. I shed my clothes and as soon as the cold blast hit me, I felt a bit more relaxed. At least that way….there was so much water…I couldn't feel the tears.

In the end, I couldn't remember how long I sat there, but by the time I got out, I was sneezing like a madwoman, and I needed extra clothes.

'_Oh Riccaro…you are a genius!'_

Grumbling curses under my breath, I wrapped a towel around myself, and was about to get into my wet clothes when the door opened.

"Hey! I'm in here!" I shouted, but the door opened anyway.

"'thought so…"

I recognized the voice immediately, and blinked twice to make sure I was really seeing who I thought I was seeing.

"River?" I whispered, a bit of bitterness in my voice. "W-why are you here? It's for Takeshi…right?"

He grunted at the sound of Takeshi's name, and I could see the pain in his eyes. River had pretty much dropped off the face of the earth since he raced one season with Sledge Mamma. Although I didn't want to admit it up front, it was good to see him again.

"What team are you on now? What other shit have you pulled?" I smirked.

"I'm not racing anymore," he muttered, a despondent look in his eyes. "Well, I mean…I'm taking a break. I went home to Canada for a while and I just figured it'd be good for me to see some of my friends and train on my own for a while. But now with two of my buddies, Lars and Derrick, well… we're going to register."

"That's nice River. I'm glad, but…why did you come here?" I asked again, my voice flighty and weak.

River seemed to notice, and looked at my clothes on the floor of the shower. They were sopping wet. When he drew his eyes back up again they lingered on my chest and I began to fume.

"Will you answer my question?" I snapped.

"Like I said, my friends and I are planning to register our team and take in the rest of this season's action. I couldn't be in town and not stop in to say hey to my favorite people."

River smirked a little and I studied his face. I didn't notice right away, but he'd cut his hair. No longer was one eye covered by a grossly uneven clump of bangs, but his whole hairstyle was shorter and combed neatly. It made him look more mature and distinguished. I liked it.

"Hmph," I crossed my arms and stuck my tongue out at him. River just reached out and ruffled my hair.

"Is the wet look in now?" he gestured at my wet clothing pile in the corner of the shower. "Don't tell me you don't have a change of clothes…."

I blushed hopelessly.

"…I forgot," I muttered, and looked down.

There was a brief shuffle, and when I looked up, I saw River lifting his shirt over his head. For a moment I was completely stunned at the sight, but then turned bright red. Behind me, I heard the door click open and close quickly.

"Don't' do that you idiot!" I yelled defensively.

"Who cares? Just put it on…" River shoved a blue, long-sleeved shirt at me, and then began undoing his jeans.

"Are you crazy?! I'll just wear my wet pants!" I said quite loudly, stopping River in his tracks.

"Suit yourself…at least I have a change of clothes," he motioned towards his duffle bag, and I almost slapped him.

"You pervert! Gimme the clothes in the bag!" I snatched it from him, and stepped into the shower to dress.

The shirt and sweatpants were too big for me, but with the drawstring on the pants, I was able to salvage at least some of my dignity.

"Thanks River," I tossed him back his shirt and bag. "Now…was there anything else?"

River was silent for a while, almost nervous.

"I actually didn't come to see anyone else but you. I wanted to say something," he muttered.

I put my hands on my hips and looked at him skeptically.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"I got the feeling the whole time I was with Team Satomi… that you were the only one who understood how hard I had to work, and how badly I wanted my chance to shine. I…I screwed up a bit…I said some stuff….and I messed up," his voice softened at the end of his sentence.

"You sure did, River," I said with a snap, though my heart was aching. "But you don't have to apologize to me. I already know you're sorry. Sure, you fucked up…but everyone does now and then. It doesn't mean I've lost all my respect for you. I mean, you're right. I really did understand you," I stared dead on, and realized just how gorgeous River's eyes were.

Now that I could see them both clearly, it was beautiful how his pale blonde hair made the blue stand out against his skin.

'_Stop it! You're only doing this because Takeshi—_

My thoughts were interrupted by the clearing of a throat. I realized I had been mumbling to myself, and prayed River didn't hear me. He merely smirked.

"You still crushing on that kid?" River asked, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

I fumed, defensive already.

"If you mean …I mean…you don't know what you're talking about!"

"He's a small fish Liz…you should head for bigger waters," River shoved his hands into his pockets and walked out as calmly as he had come in.

I watched him, dumbstruck for a moment, and then glared at his back.

"Jackass," I muttered, and headed back out into the recreation room to see Takeshi training vigorously.

He lifted his head, and cast a glare my way.

"What?" I snapped, keeping my façade up.

"Did you enjoy your little chat with River?" he smirked.

"What were you doing, spying on me in the shower?!" I yelled, and Takeshi took a step back, then forward again.

"Like you were in my room last night?!" he countered, and I suddenly lost the will to argue.

Takeshi pulled away, looking regretful, and sighed.

"No, not like that," I growled under my breath, though I was on the verge of tears. "Not like that at all,"

"Aw… come on Liz!" Takeshi shouted after me as I headed out of the room, but I turned a deaf ear. 


	4. Focus

**Title: **When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter four: **Focus

**AN: 1/11/10 Updated**

* * *

"Did you enjoy your little chat with River?" I smirked.

"What were you doing, spying on me in the shower?!" Liz yelled, and I took a step back in shock. As I regained my balance, I stepped forward once more.

"Like you were in my room last night?!" I countered, and suddenly, the color seemed to drain from Liz's face. I knew instantly I had said the wrong thing. I pulled away regretfully, and sighed.

"No, not like that," Liz growled under her breath, although I could see the tears welling in her eyes. "Not like that at all,"

As soon as I opened my mouth to apologize, she turned around and burst out the front doors.

"Oh come on Liz!" I shouted after her, but she turned a deaf ear.

"Liz!" I called again as I ran through the doors after her.

Instantly, I expected her stop, but instead, Liz continued to run harder, as if she'd do anything to get away from me.

'_Fine. If that's the way you want to play it Ricarro…' _I smirked and darted behind a bush.

Liz looked back and when she saw I was gone, came to a stop in front of a park bench plopped herself down. For a moment, she just sat there with her head in her hands, crying, it seemed to me, but as I listened more closely, her "sobs" turned into angry growls.

"Stupid…stupid…Takeshi…" she muttered.

It seemed like I couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of how much she hated my guts. With a frown, I stood up from my crouch to confront her, but just as I did so, a familiar face came into view.

"Cunningham!" I blurted, and then ducked again as the brunette looked up from his spot in front of an ice-cream cart.

Cunningham scanned his surroundings briefly before his eyes finally settled on Liz. With a smirk, he purchased a vanilla ice-cream cone and took a seat beside her. It wasn't long before I saw his lips start moving. With a soft curse, I shuffled closer so I could hear the conversation.

"…bothering me," Liz said testily. Cunningham chuckled and focused his eyes on his cone.

"….stupid…immature….you know. I'm just trying to….here," he smiled.

I groaned. It was impossible to hear anything from my position, and they were speaking too softly to read lips. Normally I wouldn't have given a damn, but the combination of Liz and Alex was so bizarre I had to see where it was going. The last thing I wanted was Cunningham starting to join in on her badmouthing or even worse, for him to start picking info out of Liz before they raced one another again.

"I don't need…jerk," Liz put one hand on her hip angrily.

I grinned. _'Yeah that's right…you tell him…whatever you're telling him.'_

"….Takeshi…you…on…" Cunningham took a lick of his ice-cream and gave Liz a teasing look that irked me.

What happened next made my blood boil. Liz dropped her hand from her hip and folded both together on her lap. A bright red blush spread across her cheeks. For a minute she seemed flustered and innocent. I nearly fell over at the sight.

'_WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?!'_

"…afraid…leave me…but you…I shouldn't tell…stupid." Liz began looking at Cunningham's ice-cream cone, and pointed suddenly as the vanilla cream began melting against his palm.

"Oops," he said clearly.

I watched him quickly lick the trails away, and then start back on the top of the cone, but Liz looked more interested than I was. It made me want to gag.

"I know I shouldn't…I'm…-reacting….acting dumb."

I watched as Cunningham sighed and then draped an arm over her shoulders. He moved closer to Liz, looking both serious and determined.

'_That's his game face. Definitely,'_ I recognized it instantly, and shifted behind the bush. I knew from watching him with his fans and even at IGPX banquets that his game face wasn't just reserved for his races. Girls came running when he gave that look. I could only imagine how muss ass he'd gotten in his lifetime from a simple smirk or even just running his hand through his hair.

'_But Liz isn't that stupid…is she?'_

"You're not. …got…heart. You've gotta let it…that's… art…being…cunning. I'll tell you about it," he flashed a crafty smile and removed his arm.

All of a sudden, Liz stood and her hands went back to her hips. However, this time she was smirking.

"Are you ….on me?" she asked, and I cursed myself for not getting close enough to hear the full sentence.

Cunningham looked at the rest of his ice-cream cone, and offered it up to her.

"Lick?" he asked, unresponsive to her previous question.

To my dismay, Liz grabbed the cone from his hand and licked it quickly across the top.

"You're not helping," she said teasingly and threw the cone in the garbage.

Liz started off in the other direction, and just as Cunningham was about to follow, I sprang up to cut him off. However, someone else got to me before I had the chance to do so.

"Takeshi? What in the world are you doing?" Fantine popped up in front of me, rapping me lightly on the head with her parasol.

"Oh…uh…I…" I blushed, but found myself staring off in the direction of Liz and Cunningham. They were standing awfully close….

"You've got leaves everywhere, Takeshi…you're such an odd duck," Fantine giggled, picking leaf after leaf from my hair.

However, I couldn't bring myself to focus on her. All I could think about was what could be possibly going on with Liz.

"Is something troubling you?" Fantine asked suddenly while smoothing down my cowlick.

As Liz disappeared from my sight, I plopped down on the bench.

"It's Ricarro," I said distastefully, and crossed my arms over my chest.

Fantine wrinkled her nose slightly but took a seat beside me.

"Liz?" she asked.

"Yeah! First she shows up in my bedroom in the middle of the night with no explanation, practically bawling, and then the next day she's testy running all over the place just trying to get away from me!" I exclaimed.

Fantine frowned. "Oh really?"

"Really! And that's not the worst part! This morning I saw her in the showers with River, and then just now in the park with Cunningham! There's something fishy going on…" I nodded to myself. "Very….fishy."

Fantine giggled softly, and pecked me on the lips.

"Take your mind off Liz, Takeshi…won't you?" she took a seat on my lap and I snapped out of my daze.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make it sound like—

"—of course not, Takeshi," she interrupted. "But how does skipping lunch sound?"

Fantine's eyes sparkled with mischief, and instantly, I realized just what kind of a mood she was in. Maybe I could take my mind off of Liz…

"Maybe we could find a love hotel?" she whispered in my ear, and my cowlick sprang back up.

"Sounds good," I smiled, and laced my fingers with hers.

'_Sounds…Liz…'_

"You're home late," my little sister Yuri was eating dinner in front of her laptop when I entered in the kitchen. My mother lifted an empty pot from the stove and smiled as she saw me.

"You look tired," she announced, and I shrugged, passing by without a proper greeting.

Quickly, I headed up to my room and flopped down on the bed. I couldn't think properly. A few hours with Fantine would do that for me, but then, more than ever, I wanted to focus.

* * *

_Still breathing heavily, I swung my feet over the side of the bed, and ran a hand through my hair. It was then that I felt her hand on my back, curling into a small fist._

"_Are you still thinking about her?" Fantine whispered from the bed, her bare chest heaving underneath the sheets. _

_I uttered no response. I couldn't think of anything that would sound appropriate. _

"_You infuriate me sometimes Takeshi…" she snapped. _

-- It was the first time I had ever heard her speak that way.—

"_It's not like that Fantine," I said quietly, and turned to face her. _

-- Or was it? **Was **it 'like that'…? --

_Slowly, I lifted a hand and slowly caressed her cheek. Soft and smooth…perfect. Fantine closed her eyes and her fist slipped away from my back. She let out a shuddering breath on my shoulder as I kissed her neck, forcing her to forget._

"_Ta…takeshi…"she whispered, and grabbed blindly for my hair._

_I lost the ability to brace myself, and fell down on top of her. Fantine giggled softly and I watched her had disappear beneath the hotel sheets. I closed my eyes with a smirk, awaiting the inevitable. But when it came…I lost my focus._

"_Liz," I choked, and my eyes snapped open._

"_Get out," Fantine snapped her eyes narrowing to slits. Perfect slits. _

_I started to speak when she flipped me off her and face down in the mattress._

"_I said go," she growled._

_I lifted my head and stared into her eyes._

"_Fantine, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was—_

"—_didn't you hear me…?" her whisper was deadly quiet as she pointed towards the door.

* * *

_

"Damn," I mumbled into my pillow, and curled against the sheets. "Why the hell did I say that?"

With a groan, I rolled over and onto my back.

"This is all your fault, Liz," I glared at my ceiling. "You and Cunningham…and River."

Although I knew my anger was aimed at the wrong person, it felt right. If she had just never been in my room…I wouldn't be so… worried.

"She doesn't have anyone…" I whispered. "Is that why I'm so concerned?"

"Is that why she's upset?" my bed creaked softly as I sat up and faced the stack of playbooks on my desk.

They had remained untouched since last night. Suddenly, a flashback of a crying Liz came to mind, but I quickly shook it off.

"Girls…" I muttered, and rolled my eyes. "They throw off your focus."


	5. The Art of Being Cunningham

**Title:** When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter five**: The Art of Being Cunning…ham

**Updated 12/25/11 :)  
**

* * *

I was surprised when he took a seat next to me; I didn't even think he'd realize who I was. I figured that just like with everyone else, after the races I became invisible.

Forgettable.

"Liz Ricarro," Cunningham smirked, taking a lick of his vanilla ice-cream cone.

For most girls, that one suggestive motion would be all it took to set their hormones ablaze, but not me. I was in a bad enough mood as it was. I didn't need a smooth talking ass like Alex Cunningham Hume coming in to wreck even more of my day.

"Fuck off," I snapped without warning, but Cunningham merely chuckled.

"Well, I see someone's a bit testy." He focused his eyes on his cone as he spoke. He was incredibly self-confident, just like Takeshi, and I had to say it amused me a little bit.

If I hadn't been in such a bad mood, maybe I would have entertained a little conversation, but just looking at Cunningham reminded me of Takeshi. Even though he was much older and arguably more attractive, they gave off the same vibes. It was like he was a mellower version of the selfish brat.

I scooted away slightly, and turned my gaze towards the other side of the park.

"Hey, you know what?" I smiled sadistically.

"What?" Cunningham raised an eyebrow.

"I hear the rest of team Velshstein calling. They want their ass back," I snapped.

Cunningham seemed slightly taken aback, but then brushed it off with a sigh. He obviously wasn't used to my brand of attitude. I could only imagine the types of girls he went out with. But then again, if the tabloids were right, he never stuck with one girl long enough to develop a type.

"Are you always this aggressive?" he asked offhand.

"Only when someone's bothering me," I growled. Cunningham chuckled and raised his eyebrows.

"You're acting stupidly and being a lot more immature than I know you are." He finally met my eyes. "I'm just trying to figure out the situation here. Maybe…help?" he shrugged.

I scoffed.

"I don't need your kind of help, jerk."

Once again, Cunningham didn't seem phased. I only shook my head. What made him think he knew anything about me? What made him think that in this lifetime I would ever ask for or need the slightest bit of his help?

"So my guess is... your forward's the problem," he smiled to himself.

The remark caught me off guard, and instantly, I felt my cheeks heat up.

"What?" I snapped, trying to cover up my embarrassment.

"Takeshi. He's gotta be the reason you're here. He's what's on your mind...right?" Cunningham asked teasingly, as if he knew the answer.

"Hey man, lay off! You don't know anything!" I glared at him with blush still flaring on my cheeks.

"If I truly didn't…you wouldn't be getting so defensive. After all…I do read the tabloids," he smirked.

My jaw went slack, and for a long while, I was unable to speak.

"Most fan-boys and fan-girls suspect you have a thing for that kid. Personally, if I were you, I'd think about picking better men. You know…guys with more class. After all…you don't want to be a home-wrecker…do you?" he raised an eyebrow, and I lowered my eyes.

Ashamed of myself, I folded my hands in my lap and blushed.

"That's not it at all, man! I know he loves Fantine…I'm just... I don't want to lose a friend. But you…I shouldn't be telling someone like you," I added quickly, and frowned.

Cunningham stared at me thoughtfully, and then smiled.

"Lose a friend? Is that it? What about the little genius…Amy?" he asked.

I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. With every question, he was getting closer to the truth, and it was getting difficult to guard myself.

"She's my friend too. But ever since her folks moved closer, she wants to spend time with them. It's completely understandable. But…I always felt that…" I clenched my fists. "…that Takeshi…"

I bit my lower lip in anger and averted my eyes to Cunningham's ice cream cone. I wouldn't say anything more. Instead, I pointed at his hand. The vanilla cream was melting all over his palm.

"Oops!" he took his eyes off me and for the moment, I was glad for the diversion.

Through half lidded eyes, I watched him easily lick away the trails, but to me, the whole thing seemed to be moving in slow motion. A fluttering feeling arose in my chest, and I looked away. It was a feeling that was similar to the one I had grown accustomed to when I was with Takeshi.

"Look I…I know_** you**_ know…and I know I shouldn't think this way. I'm overreacting. Just…acting dumb I guess," I began to ramble, rubbing the back of my neck nervously.

Taking me by surprise, Cunningham sighed heavily. Smoothly, he draped one arm over my shoulders and moved closer to me on the bench. In his eyes, I saw the same fire and determination I recognized on the track. All that time, I assumed that kind of heat was reserved for competition with Takeshi.

"Don't be stupid Ricarro. You've got heart, and that's important in a defender. You're out for protecting yourself and others, but you've gotta let it him go…move on you know," he smiled. "Now that's the art of being cunning."

I gave him a clueless look and shoved away as he flashed me a crafty smile.

'_You bastard... You don't even know…' _I cried on the inside, but contained myself.

Angrily, I put both hands on my hips and stood.

"Are you hitting on me?" I asked in disgust.

Without answering the question, Cunningham lifted his hand towards me, and waved the ice-cream cone.

"Lick?" he asked with a grin.

My shoulders slumped forward, and I groaned. _People like Cunningham don't ever change. _I told myself, and then snatched the cone from his hand.

"You're not helping," I sighed. Quickly, I gave it a lick across the top and tossed it in the garbage.

Without looking back, I started off in the other direction, but slowed when I felt a familiar presence behind me.

"DO I HAVE TO KNOCK YOUR LIGHTS OUT?" I snapped, causing several heads to turn in the park.

Cunningham remained calm, and fell into step beside me without a word. It was beyond me why he was even bothering to put up with my attitude. If he wanted someone to screw around with, there were plenty of girls who would give it up without a fight.

"Why do you feel you need to yell all the time? To put on this big front?" he put his hand on my shoulder again and I shrugged him off.

I shoved my hands deep in my pockets, once again trying to restrain myself as best as possible.

"What is it, Hume? Do you just have nothing to do today, or something?" I growled.

Cunningham closed his eyes and smiled to himself.

"Hm, that might have a little something to do with it."

I froze in place, causing him to run into my back. Dangerously, I lifted a fist and curled it beneath his nose.

"Listen here pretty boy, if you don't back off I'll—

"—what?" he cut me off, his voice soft in my ear. "You'll what?"

Blinking rapidly, I realized that instead of standing in front of me like previously, Cunningham was now clutching my fist, standing behind me. He had been so fast; I hadn't had time to catch his movements.

"Wha? How did you—

"—let's just say, I'm one hell of a forward," he smirked and brought my hand to his lips.

However, this time I knew I was going to get the best of him. Before he had a chance to kiss my hand, I drew it away and landed a sharp punch against his skull. Or…so I thought.

Once again, he had maneuvered his way…out of the way. Cunningham had my arm twisted out by my side, and my back pressed firmly up against his chest.

"Man…" I panted to catch my breath while staring down at the pavement beneath my feet.

Cunningham held me still for a moment before letting his chin rest atop my head. I wanted to throw another punch his way, but knew the effort was futile.

"So…is this your way of picking up chicks, Cunningham?" I snapped, my breath still coming out in soft gasps.

There was a brief silence, and then I felt the rumble of his chuckle against the back of my head.

"Oh relax…and do call me Alex, _Elizabeth_," he said smoothly in the teasing tone I had quickly learned to hate.

I contemplated kicking him between the legs, but heaved a sigh, and slumped my shoulders forward. At this act, Cunningham eased himself away from me.

Big mistake.

"It's just Liz!"

I made a swing for his head, but Cunningham easily caught the punch. However, before he knew what hit him, I swung my leg out towards the backs of his knees and knocked him off balance. Yet still, Cunningham wasn't going down so easily. He grabbed my wrist at the last moment, so as he fell, I fell down on top of him.

"Shit!" He grunted as his back hit the pavement, but didn't bother to release his hold on me.

I lay sprawled out on top of his chest, breathing heavily in the crook of his neck. All I could feel, smell, taste…was Cunningham. Awkwardly, I shifted the knee I had inadvertently placed between his legs, and tried to push up. Quickly, I found my attempt was useless. Even though I was on top of him, Cunningham still managed to have me pinned.

"Let go of me, jerk off," I growled, struggling to free my wrists.

"Ouch." Cunningham raised his eyebrows, but made no move to let me go.

"Look, are you totally oblivious to the fact that I'm having a totally crappy day?" I groaned, half begging him to understand.

"Of course not," he smirked. "I'm just trying to help…you're simply resisting."

I clenched my fists in anger for a moment, and then exhaled.

"Then fine…what is it you want from me? If you're so goddamn all knowing, what am I supposed to do?" I hung my head and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Take a walk with me," Cunningham said evenly, and let go of my wrists.

With one hand, he titled my face up to his and I forced open my eyes. His eyes were shining, bright green.

"It's not good to bottle these things inside, you know. Emotions." He smoothed a little hair out of my eyes and then brushed gravel from my shirt.

I eased myself up and back onto my feet.

"How would you know?" I asked angrily, and shoved a foot against his chest. Cunningham pushed it off and stood.

"I don't know Lizzie…but do you really want to spend another day alone?" he asked.

"How do you know—

"—I can see it in your eyes you know," he said loftily. "That emptiness that only people like us know."

"People like us?" I scoffed.

Cunningham smiled to himself, and ran his fingers through his hair. "Let's walk."

A mix of silence and tension settled between us as we walked together, to me, destination unknown. I kept my hands shoved deep in my pockets, and Cunningham did the same. I didn't ask where we were going, because truthfully, I didn't care. My interaction with Cunningham, though brief, had made me doubt myself. My feelings for Takeshi…they were consuming me…becoming irrational…unsettling.

"Here we are, home sweet home, I guess." Cunningham's voice shook me from my thoughts.

Instinctively, I looked up and my eyes widened in surprise. His home wasn't a home…it was a…a mansion! Three floors of pure Victorian beauty – real old style craftsmanship. It was rare to see a house of that design anywhere.

"Man, you must have some rich folks or something…" I let out a whistle.

Cunningham smiled wistfully as he unlocked the door. "Yeah, _or something_…"

I stood quizzically as he held open the front door for me to step in side.

"You said we were taking a walk, not going back to your place," I frowned.

"I'll make tea," he said smoothly, and I met his eyes.

Strong…determined…noble.

Suddenly, the thought of a hot cup of tea was more inviting than expected. Anything to get the thought of Fantine and Takeshi off my mind. I'd never said more than two words to Cunningham before, but at least he wasn't being a creeper.

"Whatever," I mumbled, and stepped inside behind him. "Just don't touch me again."

Cunningham said nothing as he walked in. As I looked around, I noticed that save for a dog food bowl in the kitchen, and Cunningham himself, and there were no other signs of life in the residence.

"So, you live here by yourself then?" I asked, trying not to sound too curious.

Cunningham dropped his keys in a bowl by the door and smiled back at me.

"I guess so," he answered with a smirk and gestured for me to shut the door behind myself.

'_I guess so? What the hell was that supposed to mean?'_ I raised a brow at Cunningham, but he said nothing.

I shut the door and followed him into the kitchen while gaping at every aspect of his home. Just as Cunningham began filling the kettle with water, a black Labrador puppy leapt into view. With two earsplitting barks, the dog made a lunge for Cunningham in what looked like an attempt to knock him over. I quickly moved out of the way.

"Nice try," Cunningham set down the kettle and stuck out his leg.

The puppy skidded to a stop in front of his foot and whined. I watched the scene with a frown that Cunningham immediately picked up as he put the kettle on the stove.

"Not a dog lover, huh?" he asked.

I shook my fist at the approaching puppy and folded my arms across my chest.

"That's right. I hate animals…" I growled.

"Tasku wouldn't hurt a fly Lizzie, there's no reason for you to be afraid." Cunningham smiled warmly.

I formed a fist with one of my hands and clenched it threateningly in his direction.

"It's Liz you ass, and who said I was afraid?"

Cunningham shrugged. "Well, I just assumed—

"—well, you know what they say about assuming," I cut him off.

Cunningham's lips twitched as if he were about to chuckle. Seeing this, I came close and pinched his nostrils together. As an addition, I firmly clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Ass," I said in a deadly whisper, and then held him steady. After a good while of oxygen deprivation, I let him go.

Cunningham took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.

"Lizzie…Liza…Elizabeth…" he choked frantically.

Suddenly, I perked up at his distress. Had I really shorted him of so much oxygen? I waited it out for a moment, but then Alex fell into a chair at the table. He clutched at his chest and began to cough urgently. My eyes went wide in shock.

_Maybe he's asthmatic or something!_

"Cunningham! Alex!" I shook his shoulders vigorously, but he continued to gasp for breath.

"Oh man, what did I do? Should I call 911? Tell me what to do!" I panicked, and shot a glare at his rapidly barking dog.

Cunningham gripped my arm and brought my face close to his, as if to relay a message in his last…dying…breath.

"Yes?" I asked in a panic. "Wh-what is it? What do you need?"

He pressed his lips against my ear and I felt him smirk.

"Mouth….to…mouth." he uttered softly.

For a moment, I stood blinking in shock, until realization hit me.

"You jackass!" I threw punches blindly, but Cunningham dodged every one, grinning madly.

Just as I tired myself out, he calmed his laughter enough to grab my swinging fists.

"You know…" he snickered, pressing his forehead against mine.

I fought to free myself, to turn away, anything to avoid being so close.

"This would be so much easier if…if you'd just…" Cunningham's eyelids lowered slightly, and I saw the mirth in his eyes dissipate.

Almost immediately, it was replaced with the drive and fire I had become so accustomed to.

"Just what?" I barked back.

Taking me by surprise, he used a hand to support the back of my head, and tilted my lips up to press firmly against his.

'_K-kiss?' _

My thoughts were immediately shattered and it took everything I had to keep my lips pressed together in a firm line. I could feel Cunningham's tongue brushing against them, touching teeth in my moments of weakness, but I refused to let him win.

It was then; I realized he wanted to play dirty. Cunningham made a hand motion towards his dog and the lab head butted my leg. Inadvertently, I let out a gasp, giving him all the entrance into my mouth he needed. I couldn't believe that this jerk had managed to steal a kiss from me…but what enraged me even more, was the fact that I liked it.

Cunningham loosened his grip on my hand, but I didn't make a move to pull away. Instead, I forced his back against the island in the middle of his kitchen.

"Well-well... Elizabeth Riccaro..." Cunningham raised an eyebrow as he broke away for air.

Quickly, a feeling of embarrassment washed over me. I felt ashamed of my actions, but the thought of Takeshi with Fantine was irking me beyond belief.

The thought of him touching her…kissing her…romancing her…

It made me livid. It didn't matter to me that I didn't love Cunningham. All that mattered at that moment was getting Takeshi off my mind.

"Don't say anything, okay?" I pleaded and hoisted myself on the countertop so that my thighs were spread over his waist. It'd been a long time since I was that forward with any guy, and honestly, it was surreal that this time that guy happened to be Cunningham. Never in a million years would I have expected this.

Cunningham closed his eyes and trailed a hand down between my shoulder blades. I knew there was something he didn't want me to see in his eyes, because I knew it much too well.

'_Loneliness.'_

"Anything you want," he said softly against my neck, and started the kiss again.


	6. Denial

**Title:** When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter six:** A String of Unbelievable Happenings

**Updated 1/11/10**

* * *

"Takeshi, you can't possibly believe that Liz would have something going on with both River AND Cunningham, could you?" Amy smiled incredulously as she took a bite of scrambled egg on her plate.

I prodded my own food around with my fork and sighed. I took a glance at my watch. It was only 6:30. Eating breakfast so early had to be a criminal offense. However, leave it to Amy to schedule something so utterly unbelievable.

"It just kind of…seemed that way. I mean…in the shower and the p—

Amy stopped my rambling with an innocent chuckle.

"You must really like her more than Luca and I thought, Takeshi," she smirked as her chuckle turned into a giggle.

With a frown, I pierced one of my own eggs with a fork prong, and shoved it into my mouth.

"Don't kid yourself, Amy. Looks like your and your cat's genius talents are getting a bit rusty. _I_ already have a girlfriend," I said firmly.

'_Well, I did until last night…'_ I muttered in thought.

Amy lifted her cup of tea with a shrug, but gave me a knowing smile.

"You just seem awfully concerned about her lately. I mean, if Liz wants to have a threesome…" Amy trailed off mischievously, and I gaped in shock at the usually innocent girl before me. She was growing up a lot faster than I could handle.

My cheeks flamed red and I tried to hide my face behind a pink paper lantern hanging from the ceiling of the restaurant. She merely pushed it away.

"Don't say that stuff! It's disgusting," I glared at her and shoved another egg in my mouth.

Amy's eyes softened suddenly, and she traced a circle pattern on the wooden table top with her index finger.

"Liz has never had it easy Takeshi. She doesn't have the kind of love and support you do. You know…a real family," she said softly. "I guess it's easier for me to understand because I've been through it. But even still, she's never had anyone. Ever."

I kept my eyes focused on her swirling finger, and tried not to let my mind wander to Liz.

"I know," I said just as quietly.

"Well just take that into consideration. She's lonely. At this point in her life she's seeing everyone pass her by with their own impressive labels," Amy smiled wistfully, and pressed her once swirling finger against my chest.

"Star," she whispered, and then pointed to herself. "Genius…"

We both fell silent, knowing what was left over.

'_Backup…Less than perfect…Orphan.'_

"You really think she's depressed or something?" I asked, clenching my fork in a tight fist.

Amy nodded solemnly. "Maybe what you've seen with her and Cunningham is just a way for her to overcome loneliness. Temporary gratification."

I took in what Amy was saying, and thought of Liz at my bedside. Was she looking for comfort? Was she sad because….she couldn't find it with me?

I thought of my year without Fantine and I tried to ignore the pang of guilt in my heart. I hadn't lead Liz on that summer…had I?

"She's been unwanted all her life…bounced around. I think she feels like she has no control over her life anymore. At least…not in the right areas," Amy stuck her hand under the table, and then pulled out her purse.

I watched her pull out enough money to cover the bill, and then stand.

"My treat, Takeshi," she smiled.

I stared at my half eaten plate and felt guilty.

"Y-you don't have to—

"—it's no problem. I can sense your anxiety, and I think you should go and talk with Fantine as soon as possible," Amy said pointedly.

I stared at her in disbelief.

"Huh?"

"You **are** having a dispute…right?" Amy asked to reassure herself.

My thoughts wandered back to last night, and I refused to meet her eyes.

"It's just a little thing," I lied as I remembered how angry Fantine had looked as she forced me out of the hotel room.

Amy raised her eyebrows with a smirk and rolled her eyes and began to walk away.

"Sure, I'll see you. Call Liz and we'll all meet up for dinner later, alright?" she shouted over her shoulder with a wave.

I nodded and gave a meek wave back, unsure if she could see me anyway. With a sigh, I took a look at my half eaten meal, and then stood.

"How can I eat with all this crap floating around in my head?" I muttered to myself and threw a tip down along with Amy's money as I left the restaurant.

Contrary to the day before, it was gloomy and rainy looking outside.

'_And me without my umbrella…'_ I thought sarcastically, and shoved my hands deep inside my pockets.

As I headed back towards home I spotted River walking towards me. He gave me a small wave that I returned mostly out of obligation, and stopped in front of me.

"Hey I haven't seen you around much you know?" he smiled. "I just got into town yesterday and wanted to say hey."

I shrugged, and noticed his new look.

"Nice hair cut," I put on a cocky smile that would have made Cunningham proud, and removed one hand from my pocket.

River ignored the sarcasm.

"Don't hate. Just _appreciate_ the fact that even with looks like these, I've chosen not to steal Fantine away from you," he smirked.

I smiled a little, and then met his gaze dead on.

"You wish," I whispered, and then cleared my throat. "So…"

River raised an eyebrow.

"So… what? Is there something wrong?" he asked.

I frowned and decided to get straight to the point.

"What's up with you and Liz?" I asked a bit more harshly than I had planned.

River stared at me in surprise, and then chuckled.

"Me and who?" he laughed.

I narrowed my eyes dangerously.

"You know who! Liz! I saw you two in the showers yesterday!" I blurted, and River started laughing.

I stood as patiently as I possibly could until he stopped.

"That was nothing, Takeshi!" he smiled as he wiped his eyes. "Just harmless flirting, you know."

I blushed in embarrassment, but then countered on him.

"It didn't look very harmless to me. Look, All I want to know is the truth," I growled, causing River to back up a few steps.

"Easy boy…why don't you just go talk to Liz? She'll tell you the same thing," he pressed and then broke into another irking smile.

"And while you're there you can confess your undying love and everything…." He grinned.

I curled my fists tightly at my sides and seethed.

"I have a girlfriend! I don't give a damn about Liz!" I shouted. "Get it through your thick head!"

'_You and everyone else around here!'_

River closed his eyes and gave me a pitying smile.

"It's so sad when you deny it…" he said simply, and began walking away.

I thought of chasing after him, but my lingering sanity told me not to.

"I don't love Liz…" I whispered to myself, cursing softly as I felt a droplet of rain splatter against my arm.

"I don't," I murmured again, and then closed my eyes. "I can't even stand her."

I continued to walk, more in a trance than anything else, trying to convince myself that what I had been feeling lately towards Liz wasn't what everyone thought it was.

"I don't love her, and she doesn't love me," I said softly and stopped in my tracks, realizing where I had come.

It was Liz's house. A replica of mine but…condensed into a less than single family residence. The plants in her makeshift garden were brown and withered, most likely from months of neglect, and it was easy to see where dirt had been carelessly tracked in on the front porch.

I took a seat on the small couch swing and stared out at the rain. As I sat there, rain passed through the tears in Liz's awning and soaked me through. My eyes wandered to the outside wall opposite to me, where there were two sets of muddy handprints smudged up and down the concrete. I recognized the first set as my own, and then the second as Liz's. It had been a while since I had come over, but I remembered that summer day well.

It was the summer Fantine and I had broken it off. Amy, Liz and I had gone out for lunch, and on our way back, it had started raining. We walked Amy and Luca home first in the downpour, and then I passed my own house next to walk Liz home. She protested at first, but the silly argument quickly wore itself down.

* * *

"_I'm not going to die Liz. It's only a couple blocks to your place," I gave her a smug look, but Liz turned away. _

_Frowning, she led the way through the wind and rain towards a poorly kept house I easily recognized as hers. _

"_Ever think about cleaning up?" I smirked, and Liz threatened me with her fist. _

_I backed up suddenly, and took a seat on her porch swing. The fabric of the couch material smelt musty in the growing humidity, and at that moment, I longed to step back out into the rain. _

"_I didn't think you'd be so much of a pig…" _

"_Forget your keys or something?" I asked after a long moment of silence, and looked back towards Liz. _

_She was just standing there in front of the door, one hand in the pocket of her jeans. _

"_Liz?" I called her name worriedly, my smile fading. _

_Liz turned around to face me at the last moment, and flashed the most dangerous and deadly smile I had seen in a while. _

"_You know what?! __**You're **__the pig, and pigs belong in the mud!" She lifted a leg and before I could react, kicked the back of the swing so I fell to the ground._

"_Hey! Dammit Liz, you're such a—_

_I was cut off as Liz grabbed my shoulders, and pushed me down into her garden. The flowers that weren't dead were now smashed into my shirt, mixing with sticky, wet soil. _

"_You should know by now Takeshi…I've got a lousy temper," she hissed, and smirked as she dusted off her hands. _

_Lying there in the rain, covered in mud, I thought of just getting up and walking away, but there was no way I was going to let her have the last word…or shove._

_With one hand, I grabbed her ankle and pulled it down to me, knocking her off balance. Liz shrieked and fell down beside me in the dirt. She was livid, and it wasn't long before a struggle ensued. Liz pushed away suddenly, and fell back, laughing. _

_I chuckled breathlessly, and stared. For some reason, I thought that right then, covered in mud, crushed flowers and weeds, Liz had never looked more beautiful. Her hair, limp and stringy, clung to her cheeks and seemed as unnatural as her smile. It was a part of her I'd rarely seen. She had always been careful to hide herself from me. Her true self. _

"_Come inside with me," she said softly. Her voice was different this time. Sweet. She reached for my hand and I felt her fingertips graze over my knuckles. _

_Quickly, my cheeks burned red and my mind flooded with dirty, almost pornographic images. _

"_Inside?" I whispered, dumbfounded. _

_Liz paled suddenly, and then braced herself with one hand on the wall behind her. _

"_Stop being such a pervert! I meant just until the rain stops!" she snapped, and then turned her face away from mine. She seemed incredibly embarrassed. _

_I gave a nod and caught sight of Liz's own blush as she stood. Sliding forward, I grabbed her hand and pulled myself up so that my other hand covered hers against the wall. _

"_Takeshi…" she whispered my name shyly, and smudged her muddy handprint on the wall as she came closer. Her lips were centimeters from mine, and closing in._

_I pushed myself backward this time, and pressed my free hand over her head so that I could create distance between us. As I did so, Liz looked away, embarrassed._

"_Yeah?" I asked suddenly._

_Liz blushed. _

"_Nothing man, just come in."

* * *

_

As I sat on her porch swing, rocking back and forth, I realized exactly what I had missed.

"I tried to pretend it never happened…because I was afraid …" I mumbled to myself.

"…why was I so afraid?" I touched the faded muddy handprints, and then sighed.

'_I did want to kiss her,'_ thought to myself. _'I was just scared to death of what she'd think.'_

"But that's over now," I said firmly as I stood up. "I shouldn't be here. I should be back with Fantine…apologizing."

I managed to convince myself enough to take a step out, only to become face to face with none other than Liz Ricarro.

"Liz…" I whispered, but couldn't bring myself to muster a smile.

She was wearing a blue long-sleeved shirt that was too big for her, and a pair of sweatpants. They obviously weren't her clothes.

"Takeshi…" she said almost nervously. "Hey man, what's up? What—what are you doing here?"

I ignored her question and decided to push ahead with my own.

"Where were you?" I asked angrily. Liz frowned.

"None of your business," she snapped back.

"It's a bit after seven in the morning. Were you out all night?" I pressed.

Liz's cheeks pinkened ever so slightly, and she growled at me.

"I told you, that's none of your business. What the hell are you doing here anyway?!" she bit back.

"I was just---

"—look, I don't need you to check up on me Takeshi! I'm fine on my own!" Liz shouted.

I clenched my fists at my side in anger. It was obvious where she had been, and what she had been doing the night before. She smelt of old spice and her hair looked wet and stringy from a shower that had probably been someone else's. It was then I thought of whom I had seen her with last.

'_Cunningham.'_

It killed me to think of her sleeping with **him**…whispering **his** name…confessing her love to **him**. She deserved better than some stuck up German jerkoff! Guys like Cunningham were all the same. He'd trade her in for a new model in no time.

"You're fine on your own…is that the reason you're sleeping around?" I asked harshly, my voice deathly quiet.

Silence settled for a long moment before I felt Liz's hand connect with my cheek. I had expected the slap, but I never expected the amount of pain it would bring. And surprisingly, most of it was less than physical.

"Sleeping around!?" she yelled, her eyes shimmering wetly.

I looked down, ashamed to be the one to make her cry for the second time. I hadn't meant to say what I did. I wanted to confess that I was worried for her sake, but it just wouldn't come out.

"What I do…is none of your business Takeshi. I don't get between you and Fantine…so don't you dare get between me and anyone else!" Liz said as strongly as she could manage between sobs. "I've found someone who cares about me, okay?! Someone who really cares!"

'_He doesn't care!' _I wanted to say. _'No one could ever care as much as I do._ '

But the words never came to my lips. _It's just hormones…_ I convinced myself. I didn't need Liz. I had Fantine.

"Get the hell off my porch," Liz ordered, shoved me forward.

I refused to meet her eyes again. Instead, I hung my head and stepped back into the rain without another look back.

"I could never love her…." I whispered to myself. "…never someone so cold."

I paused a while before opening my mouth again.

"And yet I've never wanted someone so badly before…" 


	7. Needing You

**Title: **When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter seven: **Needing You

**Updated 12/25/11**

* * *

Sluggishly, I rolled over in bed and pushed my face into the pillows. I could smell _his_ scent there, and before I even opened my eyes, I knew what I had done.

_His_ smell…Cunningham…it was like heat itself. Fire, warmth, and passion. It was a good smell…not a _whole_ smell, but a good smell. Whatever that meant. I remembered it distinctly from the night before.

_The night before…_

I closed my eyes and I could see us together - groping in the living room, peppering each other with frantic kisses. No matter how hard I tried to block them out, the shocking images plagued me.

Cunningham's large hands on my hips. My legs spread wide. The sound of slapping skin.

_'Shit!'_ I couldn't fight the blush from rushing to my cheeks.

Moaning a little, I flopped over onto my stomach this time. The movement was slow and gentle so as not to make too much noise. The space next to me on the mattress was vacant, but I was still uneasy about facing Cunningham.

"Ugh…" I was sore all over, and in some places a lot more than others.

"I guess the tabloids don't always lie…" I mumbled to myself, thinking of a recent IGPX trash mag's two page spread on the sexual prowess of Alex Cunningham Hume.

The last thing I wanted was to be labeled another one of his groupies, but still, I'd indulged. I couldn't deny it - there was just something irresistable about Cunningham.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I slipped into another vivid memory.

* * *

_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_

_"Say my name," Alex panted from above me. _

_Even in the room's dim lighting I could make out his eyes, burning with an intense lust. I was already hot, but seeing him that way really made me flush. _

_"A-alex," I choked out as I felt his fingers sink into me, wet from saliva. "Alex please..."_

_Alex's breath was coming in ragged pants, and I though I knew he was desperate for more, made sure to show me who was boss. With his free hand, he held me in place on the bed, and used the other to spread me wide. Over and over he thrust, mimiking the motion with his hips until I was begging. I'd been with men before, but nothing like this. Alex's hard heat was so close...jutting right into my thigh, and I still couldn't have him._

_ "Damnit Alex please..." I swore through gritted teeth. Alex grinned as I bucked against his hand, eager for release. _

_But just as I could feel my climax rolling in, he pulled away. Though I yelped in desperation, with that same devilish smile, Alex licked his fingers clean. _

_"P-please..." I tried again, panting. It was startling to hear myself beg - I'd never sounded so desperate before, and especially not for some guy. _

_Before I knew it, I was face down and pushing up on my hands and knees, grinding my bottom against Alex's hard length. "Put it in..." I whispered._

_I heard Alex grunt sharply, and I knew it took every ounce of restraint he had to pull back. _

_"No." He turned me over onto my back. I stared up in shocked silence as Alex planted soft, gentle kisses along my ribcage, traveling higher and higher until he was suckling my breasts. "Not like that, Lizzie," he paused to nuzzle my neck._

_"A-ah..." I shifted slightly and felt the thick, sticky head of his shaft pushing for entrance between my thighs._

_"I want to see your pretty little face when I'm inside you." Alex smirked and covered my mouth with his._

* * *

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

My cheeks flooded with color at the memory and I shot up in bed. Frantic and embarrassed, I looked around the room, searching for any hint of Cunningham's presence.

Nothing.

Save for a few items of scattered clothing, the room was empty and pristine. Slowly, my breathing eased back to normal and I hugged Alex's sheets to my chest for cover. Carefully, I shifted my feet off the side of the bed and slumped over. Reality was quickly settling in.

'_I can't believe I slept with that prick. God, I hope I didn't catch something.'_

"Damn it, Alex…" I whispered to myself and sighed.

I let my eyes wander to the clock and saw that it was only a little past five thirty in the morning. I was dying to go back to sleep and forget all that had happened, but I knew that it would be much more complicated than that. In my eyes, the best thing to do was dress, scram, and pretend the whole night had ever happened.

Shakily, I stood and searched the room for any bit of clothing to cover myself. However, save for my underwear, none of my other clothes were anywhere to be found.

"Fuck; I don't have time for this bullshit." I yanked open one of Alex's drawers and searched for a shirt. _'Moneybags won't miss one thing.'_

Carefully, I pulled out a white button-down while trying not to disturbing the other immaculately folded clothes in the drawer. As I pulled it over my shoulders and fastened the buttons, I couldn't help be overwhelmed by the spicy, warm scent that was Cunningham. As arrogant and cocky as the young German forward was, his essence was strangely peaceful.

"Enjoying yourself?" A voice startled me from behind.

I turned around to see the French doors to Cunningham's room wide open, and Alex standing on the balcony. He looked casual in a pair of blue jeans and a dark blue turtleneck sweater. I watched speechlessly as he passed a hand through perfect brown locks, ruffling them a little before they settled back into place. I was sure I looked like an absolute mess, but he was quite the opposite.

"Alex," I said, trying to be curt, but my voice sounded choked.

Alex smirked and immediately, flashes of bed sheets, grasping hands and tangled legs appeared before my eyes.

"Morning, sunshine." He disrupted my daydream. "I was going to walk Tasku before you got up, but…wanna come with me?"

Suddenly, I felt unbalanced. Just what was Alex trying to pull?

"huh?" was all I could muster.

"Tasku." Cunningham stepped forward and pulled me to him by the hand. "My dog, dummy."

I wanted to tug away, but he was far too fast. Before I knew it, Cunningham had me pinned between him and the balcony railing.

"Unless you want a little morning delight?" he murmured against my neck. My breathing became uneasy, but I did my best to hide it by shoving back.

"Wh-where are the rest of my clothes?"

Cunningham gave a chuckle.

"There's some stuff in the kitchen...hallway…maybe the downstairs bathroom…" he trailed off, and I most definitely got his drift.

"Shit I...I gotta go," I tried to pull away, but Cunningham wouldn't budge.

"'Thinking this was a mistake?" he asked suddenly, and I flushed red. I couldn't really blame him for it. Though Alex had kissed me, I was the one who had initiated the sex.

"This is just… awkward," I snapped, and then looked away. "I mean I don't usually...I..."

I hadn't meant it to sound so weak, but couldn't help but feel ashamed of myself. Cunningham seemed to pick up on my mood and shifted me against him into a warm hug. I had to admit…even in my current state of self-pity, Cunningham looked pretty darn appetizing.

"How long has it been since you've done... _this_?" he asked quietly, innocently.

I tensed angrily, and continued to gaze at the floor.

"A while…" I lied. "I mean…well, it's just…it's never been any good before."

I turned bright red and Cunningham fell silent. He only smiled and ruffled my hair. Most guys would have taken the time to tease me after that, but instead he pulled me closer.

"You were amazing," he whispered. "Every... single... time." I felt his hold tighten, listened to him breathe against my neck, and somehow I knew there was an overwhelming truth in his words.

I closed my eyes, and imagined those same words were from Takeshi. However, the illusion was distorted, and short-lived.

"You know…this doesn't have to be awkward," he said quietly, his whisper a soothing rumble in my ear.

I couldn't stop the chuckle that erupted from my lips when I felt him nibble on my neck.

"And how's that…_Alex_?" I asked.

"Well Liz, we can always take some time...get a bit more familiar with one another?" He smiled and began unbuttoning my "borrowed" shirt.

I gave Cunningham one of my best game faces to prove I wouldn't give in.

"Familiar?" I raised an eyebrow, trying to ignore how gentle his touch was.

"Yeah." He reached the last button near the inside of my thighs and began shifting the shirt off over my shoulders.

"Stop!" I looked over the balcony with a blush. "Not where every one can see us!"

Alex's gaze followed mine, and he raised a brow. Something told me he could have given a damn, but I was pleased he decided to humor me.

"Well then, let's cut to the chase then, shall we?" Cunningham gave another electric grin and grasped my shoulders.

I didn't have time to think. A few moments ago, I'd wanted to flee and forget, but now... now things were moving too fast to stop. Alex pushed me backward so that I stumbled back into the room and onto the mattress.

"Hey!" I protested, but was silenced by his kiss. I should have known better.

_Alex Cunningham doesn't take "no" for an answer._

Our tongues touched and it was electric. Like a fiery charge rushing through me. I heard myself moaning into his mouth, and felt his body - hard and hot against mine. Chuckling, Alex finally broke away for air and then began to tug at the belt in his trousers. I pushed his hands away and completed the job, kicking his jeans off to the side of the bed. All of a sudden, our eyes met and he stopped.

"You sure?" he asked, and I froze. It was bizarre how one simple question completely changed the mood.

Cunningham slowed his breathing enough to add silence to the room, and ran a hand through my hair. It was different. Mussed from the pillow, and longer in the back from where I had attempted to grow it out.

_"Team Satomi forward Takeshi Jin loves girls with long hair!"_

That was what all the fan-zines said.

Yet…he never looked at me differently. Never commented.

'_Maybe he's got a thing for blondes.'_ I thought absentmindedly, but came back to reality when I felt Cunningham's hand on my chest. Right over my heart.

"Are you thinking about him?" he asked, and I turned beet red.

"I…" I started, and then frowned. "Look, if we're gonna do this, let's just _do it_, okay?"

I expected Cunningham to snap at me, but instead, he pressed his lips to my forehead.

"When you get mad...you get this cute little crease in your brow," he murmured. "Adorable."

I stared at him, wide-eyed in disbelief. I wanted to smack him away, but could only turn my head.

"Stop feeding me bullshit," I muttered. "The only reason I'm here is because I wanted to feel better. What's your excuse? You think I'm easy or something?"

"No," he said, strangely calm.

"So then it's because of Takeshi, right? Wanna beat him once and for all?" I trembled, praying for the answer to be as simple as that.

"Of course not."

"Then…why?" I asked gently. ""What are you getting out of behaving like this? Why don't you just...do me and let me go?"

Cunningham kissed my forehead and moved his hand down my breasts. Though I was quickly getting hot, I made sure to keep my gaze averted. It was what I had done all last night…just so I wouldn't have to face the fact that I was…desperate.

"Everyone gets lonely," he said at first, and then kissed my forehead. "And you…you're so different from all the others girls I've been with. You were a challenge."

"So I'm a test for you? A notch in your belt?" I snapped, shoving his hand away.

"Not like that." Cunningham smiled.

I gave him a clueless look.

"You see, I've always had enough to make myself happy…but I've realized that what I really _need_ is to share that with someone else. Having 'it all' is all well and good, but it only goes so far, Liz. I think we could be good for each other. Make life less lonely, huh?"

"I don't want you to fix me," I growled weakly, my tough resolve fading.

"It's okay," he laughed. "I don't have the time."

"And I don't need anyone trying to tell me I'm not strong enough!" I shouted, tears pooling at the corners of my eyes.

"Liz…" Cunningham chuckled. "I'd be an idiot to say something like that. All I want is to have you. To spoil you. I want you to be able to call on me whenever you need me. I've never had that before and I want to try with you."

I calmed myself enough to take in his words, and for once, looked him straight in the eyes. It was obvious that he wasn't just messing around.

"I…" I started shakily. "I need some time."

Cunningham nodded in approval, and began to pull himself away from me when I stopped him.

"Alex?" I asked softly.

"Yeah?" he smiled.

Blushing, I sat up and met his eyes.

"You know…I never did get that tea you offered…"

* * *

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

As I left Alex's house, I could still taste the bittersweet of green tea and a goodbye kiss. I hadn't expected to ever wake up next to someone like him, but I knew it was partly desperation that had made me indulge.

Rain began to splatter down around me, and the cool drops kissed my already damp skin. Damp from Alex's shower, and sweet-smelling from a number of expensive soaps. He'd let me borrow one of his shirts and a pair of sweatpants, and though it was unbecoming, I delighted in the scent of him. I smiled, thinking about how silly I must have looked. A wet, giddy girl in borrowed men's clothing.

Silly…but happy. Strangely, I felt happy.

However, that was taken away from me when I saw _him_. It was Takeshi, sitting on my porch, seemingly talking to himself. Just as I headed for the door, he stood and met my eyes.

"Liz…" he whispered my name and Cunningham became merely a memory to me. That was how it was. The sound of his voice could make me forget everything.

"Takeshi…" I said his name nervously. "Hey man, what's up? What—what are you doing here?"

I awaited his response and was startled when it didn't come. Takeshi clenched his fists at his sides and didn't even bother to flash me a smile.

"Where were you?" he snapped.

The question took me by surprise, and immediately, I took offense. Just who in the hell did he think he was?

"None of your business," she barked back.

"It's a bit after seven in the morning. Were you out all night?" he came closer, pressing me for an answer.

At this, I couldn't help but blush. Cunningham was back in my thoughts and at the moment, a lot more appealing than the bully who stood before me.

"I told you, that's none of your business. What the hell are you doing here anyway?" I yelled in defense.

"I was just-

Takeshi started but I cut him off immediately. I didn't need to hear any of his lame-ass excuses. He was just like the rest…trying to control me.

"—look, I don't need you to check up on me Takeshi! I'm fine on my own!" I pressed a finger into his chest aggressively, and then turned my face away from his.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Takeshi clenching his fists. He was smart. I was sure by my attire and shifty behavior, he had figured out what I had been doing. However, not who I had been 'doing it' with.

'_Cunningham.'_

His eyes narrowed suddenly and he took a step forward, causing me to stare him down as a reflex. His behavior shocked me. Just why did he care so much?

"You're fine on your own…is that the reason you're sleeping around?" he asked quietly, but his tone was deadly.

For a long while, I allowed his words to settle in the air. Was that what he really thought of me? That I was some sort of no good whore?

Tears formed at the corners of my eyes, and without thinking, I slapped him across the face. Takeshi seemed to expect it, but not the pain.

"Sleeping around!" I yelled.

Takeshi looked down in shame, but I was in no position to let up.

"What I do…is none of your business Takeshi. I don't get between you and Fantine…so don't you dare get between me and anyone else!" I said fiercely between sobs. "I've found someone who cares about me, okay? Someone who really cares!"

I clenched my fists as I thought of Cunningham, standing in the breeze on his balcony. I needed his stability…lusted for it.

"Get the hell off my porch," I ordered, and shoved Takeshi out into the rain.

He stood out there for a moment in silence, but never turned around to face me again.

"Just…go back to Fantine," I whispered to myself, and as if he had heard me, Takeshi shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away.

Breathless, I crumpled to the ground in front of my door and curled my knees to my chest. With one hand, I dug in the pocket of Cunningham's sweats and pulled out my cell phone. Slowly, I scanned through the numbers in my address book and selected the one I had added this morning. There were three rings, his voice, and then the click of an answering machine.

With trembling hands, I cradled the phone to my ear and closed my eyes.

"I need you…"


	8. Liquid Band Aid

**Title:** When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter eight: **Liquid Band-Aid

**Update 1/11/10**

* * *

"So you got into a fight with Liz, instead of just politely asking her to dinner?!" Amy groaned as she finished listening to my excuse.

"Look, I don't wanna get into it again. Let's just enjoy the food. Japanese is my favorite," I smiled while breaking apart my chopsticks.

Amy followed suit, but didn't make a move to eat.

"It's Liz's favorite too," she whispered.

I pretended I didn't hear her, but it was more difficult to pretend that I didn't feel the way I did about Liz. Every moment I spent with Fantine had begun to feel like time wasted, and ever since the mishap at the hotel, I hadn't even been tempted to call her to apologize.

"Maybe you should call her," Amy offered up her cell phone, but I let my gaze drop down to the food.

_Not Fantine…Liz._

"She's probably got something better to do. I won't bother," I picked up a dumpling with one of my chopsticks but hen groaned when it slipped out of my hold and into a bowl of teriyaki sauce. The brown liquid splashed up onto my good dress shirt and created an obnoxious stain.

"Bad omen," Amy mumbled through a bite of her sashimi.

I growled and dropped my chopsticks.

"You're making that up," I protested although my fingers were slowly making their way towards my cell phone.

"Well, as long as you're feeling guilty, there's no harm in calling Liz. She can cover part of the—

Amy stopped suddenly, and all the color seemed to drain from her face. I set down my cell phone and stared in confusion. Her eyes were locked in a spot over my head and just as I was about to turn, she pulled me back.

"Don't," she said quickly. "Forget Liz. It's just like you said. She's probably got something better to do."

"What?" I snapped. "You just told me to—

"—you know what, let's just leave. I'm full!" Amy grabbed my wrist suddenly and jerked me forward so that my glass of water tipped over and spilled down onto my pant leg.

"Hey! Amy! Be more careful, will you!?" I tore my wrist out of her hand and spun around, locking eyes with the two people I never watned to see out together in my life.

"Hey Takashi, Amy…funny meeting you guys here," Cunningham gave me a lopsided grin, and ran a hand through his hair.

He continued to say something else, but at that moment, I was too focused on Liz to care. She clung to Cunningham's shoulder with one hand, the other clutching a purse to the front of a short black cocktail dress I had no idea she owned. Her hair was put up in some sort of a fancy twist and had bright colored pins running around it in a spiral.

She looked totally awkward and out of place, but I wouldn't deny she looked good. Hell, she looked great.

"Hey man," she breathed softly as our eyes met, and her hand fell away from Cunningham's shoulder.

"Hey," I said it weakly, not sure, if I should be angry or heartbroken.

"Were you just leaving?" Cunningham gestured towards our table and the scarcely eaten food. I took my eyes off Liz and finally settled on the right emotion.

Revulsion.

"Yeah. I…I just lost my appetite," With a pained smile on my lips, I dabbed at the stain on my shirt with a napkin and started to turn.

"Hey wait," Cunningham put a hand on my shoulder at the last moment. "How about we all just sit down and—

It was a simple, friendly gesture, but I shrugged him off, regardless. "Don't touch me, okay?"

Cunningham's eyes narrowed sharply and Liz curled her fists at her sides. I could practically feel the anger emanating from her, but just scoffed. What did she have to be angry about?

"Touch whatever the fuck you want on her, but not me." I blurted without thinking, and the whole restaurant seemed to go silent. Even Luca was curled warily against Amy's armpit.

"Takeshi!" she grabbed my arm with her free hand. "No more! Let's go."

Despite Amy's protests, I stayed glued. After that fine explosion, how could I back down?

I watched in earnest for Liz's reaction, but she just stared at me, a bit angry, a bit dumbfounded.

"You're getting out of line, Takeshi. Take Amy's advice and go cool down. Get out of here before you embarrass yourself." Cunning ham put his arm around Liz's shoulders and squeezed.

_So you're trying to make me jealous? Is that it? _I thought irrationally, and started up again.

"No, that's fine! I've heard enough from you Cunningham, but you…" I took a step forward. "Liz…you haven't opened your mouth since I started talking. What's wrong? You scared of admitting what a lousy friend you've been lately?!"

Liz just looked past me, but I knew her well enough to know she was boiling up inside.

"No? Nothing? You're not going to open your mouth?" I looked at the way she was still holding onto Cunningham and felt my anger flare even more. "No…I guess you only do that for German—

"—Takeshi! God, stop!" Amy grabbed me again.

"Stop what!?" I demanded in a speaking voice that was far too loud for the intimacy of the restaurant.

By that time, I was reeling with anger. It was so out of character for me. I didn't know why it bothered me so much to see them together, but I knew it wasn't right. What happened to the old Liz I used to joke around with? The old Liz who was always laughing and smiling?

"Yeah…stop what?" Liz's voice was soft, but firm. "He's just saying what he really thinks…isn't that right, Takeshi? It's what you've thought of me all along? That I'm lousy? That I'm a slut? Is that it?"

I shut up immediately and it was then I came to a conclusion. The only conclusion that worked. Cunningham** ruined** her. He **took **her away from me. He **stole **the Liz I…had fun with! _The Liz I..._

"I need to go," I said quickly,

From the corner of my eye, I could see Amy turning beet red and groups of customers raising their eyebrows in surprise. Cunningham stepped between Liz and me with a frown on his face.

"Glad you've finally wised up," he gave me a little shove in the shoulder that was anything but playful.

I looked away from him and started to stalk off, but Cunningham held me back at the last moment.

"Talk to her like that again and you're dead," he whispered into my ear, dangerously. Liz pulled him away before I could react and Amy grabbed my arm, obviously relieved at my change in mood.

"We should leave. It was nice seeing you two," she apologized silently in their direction. I just kept up an icy cold staring contest with Cunningham.

I shook my head. It was most definitely **not** nice seeing them together. Yet, I let Amy pull me towards the restaurant's exit. I didn't know what I would end up doing if I stayed there any longer. When we got far enough down the street, Amy stopped and faced me in glow of one of the streetlights.

"I don't know what on earth you were thinking, Takeshi! I've never seen you act so…so…" she put her hands on her hips.

"Pigheaded!" Luca finished up.

"Exactly!" Amy gave me a hard sock in the arm. It didn't hurt, but I was so out of it that I stumbled anyway.

I couldn't believe all the things I'd said…

"I can't imagine what Liz did to deserve that! Just because you're jealous all of a sudden—

"—I'm not jealous—

"—does NOT give you the right to humiliate her in such a…a…Luca?!" Amy shook with anger.

"Boorish!" Luca readily supplied.

"Boorish manner!" she finished, and then dropped her arms limply at her sides. She stared at me for a long while, waited for me to say something, but I just looked at the dirt.

"I hope you think long and hard about what you did tonight," Amy panted. "If I was Liz, I don't know if I'd ever forgive you!"

Finally, I parted my lips to speak. "I…"

Amy waited, but I couldn't think of anything else.

"I need to go home…" I whispered to myself more than her. "Get some sleep…"

Tired, ashamed, angry, I turned my back on Amy. But just my luck, she started to speak again.

"Liz always liked you," she said quietly. I didn't turn around. I just stood with my hands shoved deep into my pockets and my head down low.

"She'll never admit it, but she admired you so much she really wanted to be your friend. Somewhere along the way…she fell in love."

My heart caught in my throat.

"You were too dumb or too blind to see it, but she did. Then Fantine came along and Liz was good about that. Great about hiding her feelings. It's what she does best. She just…she let you have what she thought would make you happy, but she lost you along the way."

_Lost me?_

"I know what it is to feel alone…" Amy's voice got a little softer. "But not to Liz's extent. She didn't have anything at first, and then she found you. She thought she had something to hold on to, but not anymore. You grew away from us all Takeshi, but she took it the hardest. It might not have showed, but it's true."

"I don't believe you," I rasped. "Liz isn't like that."

Amy scoffed. "You don't know one thing about her, do you, Takeshi?"

"I—

"—and to think I actually wanted her to end up with you…"

Startled, I turned to face her once more, but found that this time; **she **had her back to **me**.

"What a waste. She's better off with Cunningham," Amy walked away from me.

I stood there under the lamplight for a good ten minutes before heading home. I had never felt so empty before in my entire life. 


	9. Predatory

**Title:** When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter nine: **Predatory**  
**

**AN:** Back again, and hopefully this time for good. :) Gosh, I can't believe I wrote this story five years ago. I was 13, and it shows! lol

**WARNING (So no one's terribly offended!) There is a large amount of sexual content and dialogue in this chapter.**

* * *

"You smell nice," I mumbled against Cunningham's shoulder as we lay in _my_ bed this time, nude and tangled in the sheets.

He chuckled low in his throat and the vibration sent a shiver through my body.

"Thanks darling." He stretched a strong arm over my shoulder. "It's all due to a little something called soap."

"Mmph." I didn't offer up a heated response, just a soft grunt of disapproval. There was point in fighting with Cunningham. Everything just rolled off his back like water. It wasn't fun. Not like with…

"You thinking about him?" Cunningham asked suddenly. The question completely caught me off guard and I had to pause for a long while before answering.

"That would be…unbelievably inappropriate given the position we're in," I rolled over and straddled his waist, baring my breasts at the same time. "Don't you think?"

I forced a smile, hoping he'd be distracted. Cunningham lifted a brow suspiciously, but placed his hands on my hips anyway, bringing me closer. I could feel his arousal pressing against me under the sheets, but didn't move. I'd become used to it already; it wasn't awkward anymore. We both had normal urges and dealt with them in adult fashion – by screwing each others brains out.

"Yeah…it sure would." Cunningham palmed my breasts absentmindedly. He had a sleepy smirk on his lips that I knew meant trouble.

_Fantastic, bed-shaking trouble._

I glanced away with a quiet sigh, thinking about Takeshi's own cocky grin. He'd be pissed as hell if he knew what I'd just done. Sure, things weren't nearly as hostile between the two forwards anymore, but I was sure he'd be offended.

_Or maybe…it's just wishful thinking._

'_God,'_ I cursed myself. _'I didn't even make him work for it.'_

As soon as Cunningham caught sight of my change in mood, his smirk disappeared.

"How was this for you?" he asked suddenly. "Really?"

I frowned, cheeks burning red.

"What kind of dumbass question is that?"

Cunningham squeezed my flesh in his hands and I gasped. I wanted to pout, but ended up moaning when he pinched my stiff nipples between his fingertips.

"Alex!" I held him still. "You_ know_ how the hell it was."'

"But what did you _feel_?" he nuzzled his nose against my throat and then kissed it lightly.

"What do you **think **I felt?" I cocked a brow, rolling my hips against his through the sheets. Cunningham's cheeks slowly rouged, but as usual, he still had his game face on. Although it majorly pissed me off, it seemed that in every situation, Alex was able to remain calm and focused.

"That's not what I meant…" his words came out in a throaty moan. "You know what I'm saying."

Alex dropped his hands to my hips and squeezed his eyes shut, grinding me closer. I was quick to slap him away.

"Fine! You're the best I've ever had. Is that what you want to hear? You're so huge, Alex! I couldn't get enough!" Still blushing, I snatched the sheets off his body. Before Cunningham could stop me, I swaddled myself in them and began searching the room for my undergarments.

"Hey, wait! Now what the hell are you mad at me for?" Cunningham bolted up, but my eyes were drawn between his legs. He wasn't the only thing standing upright. Alex disregarded it and gave me a sly smirk.

"Cover up, will you?" I wasn't really asking and my tone made that perfectly clear.

I plucked my t-shirt from the doorknob and pulled it over my head without bothering to look for my bra. From the corner of my eye, I could see Cunningham fumbling for his own clothing. I tossed him his boxers when his back was turned, but he caught them on one hand with ease.

"Don't be like this, Liz." Alex began to shuffle over to me with his jeans half pulled up. "I was thinking we could do some lunch today," he suggested.

I shimmied into my panties with a scoff.

"What? And be like a real couple or something?" I almost laughed. "Dude, I know you're just in it for the ass. It's fine. There's no use putting on a front."

There was a strange silence in the room for a while, and then I felt Cunningham come up and hug me from behind. He was dressed, but the contact still felt awkward.

"Who says I'm putting on a front?" the sexy, low tones of his voice got me again. "Liz, I can get laid by any girl, any day of the week."

"And?" I tried to squirm out of his hold. "Are you bragging to me now? Am I supposed to be honored to get your di-"

"-quit it," Cunningham said simply, and I shut up with out thinking. "What I'm saying is...it's not about sex for me."

I stiffened up and kept my gaze trained on the plush carpeting.

"I mean..." he skimmed his hands under my top and over my tummy. "The sex is _amazing_, don't get me wrong...but...I like having you near me, Lizzie. In my bed...in my life. These two days have been such a change. A welcome change. From the way you get pissed off at my little pup to the way you bite the inside of your cheek, trying not to laugh whenever I tease you."

Alex wrapped his arms around me in a tighter hold, and I felt my breath catch. "Cunningham..."

He spun me around and pinned me to the wall. Slowly, he ran a fingertip down the bridge of my nose and then traced it across my lips. I parted them with a sigh.

"Forget. About. Takeshi," he said. "He's an egomaniac. I mean, come on…when was the last time he spoke to you like this? Like a human being? Trust me, he could never care about you the way I do."

At hearing those words I felt weak. Weak and guilty. I lowered my eyes to the floor and frowned.

"You barely know me, Alex…" I whispered. There was a warm feeling brewing in my gut, but I was trying my damnedest to push it away.

"And?" he mocked me, nuzzling my nose. "I know I want more of you, Liz. More and more and...I won't stop until I get it." Alex pushed against the wall, and away from me.

_That's the kind of guy you are_, I thought, trying to catch my breath. _You don't ever back down._

Still watching me with the same burning gaze, Cunningham backward and took a seat on the edge of the bed.

'_Come to me,'_ he seemed to say without speaking, and I felt an odd pang in my heart. The warmth was building again, along a stirring attraction I'd never experienced with him before. Grudgingly, I thought of Takeshi and Fantine. I wondered if this was how he felt with her, and she with him. I pictured them tangled in the sheets together and hearing him whisper sweet nothings into her ear. It made my stomach hurt, and tears prick at my eyes. Quivering, I flattened my back against the wall and bit my lip. My hand was still on the doorknob, but I couldn't turn it. Instead, I just stared at Alex and shook my head.

"I just want to screw! That's it!" I spat out, unable to choke back a sob. It killed me to lose it infront of him, and I dug my nails into my palms, furious.

_'I won't let him see me cry! I'm not a baby! I'm not that person anymore!'_

Alex's gaze softened for a brief moment, but then a sly smile took over his lips.

"Why don't I just leave then?" he got up again and pinned me against the door. "You got what you said you wanted, so why don't you just show me out, Lizzie. Hmm?"

"Don't tell me what to do!" I tried to snap at him, but my voice was weak.

Cunningham bared his teeth in a grin and felt my blood boiling. I hated that he could stand there, so calm, so cool, while I was a mess inside.I lifted my hand to smack Alex, but he caught it easily. Before I could yelp, he twirled me around so that my chest was pressed against the wall again, and he was squished close behind me.

"Alex!" I gasped when I felt the entire weight of his body against mine. "You perv…"

"Come to dinner with me tonight," Alex laughed. "We'll have fun, I promise."

There was something enticing in his voice, but I did my best to shy away. For some reason, I found it safest to keep my distance. It was ironic, considering what we had just done only moments before, but I had never been in a serious relationship with anyone. A few shameful flings, sure, but nothing to the tune of what Alex was proposing. And even still, I'd never imagined being with someone like him. It was always daydreams of Takeshi, delusions and pretending that our friendship was what really satisfied me when it was so far from the truth.

"I've…" I sighed aloud to cover the little tremble in my voice. "I've got stuff to do."

Alex raised a brow as if he was curious, but I could see anger in the way his jaw clenched.

"Like what?" he leaned up a little. "Daydream about Takeshi?" There seemed to be a twinge of jealousy in his tone and though it made me feel a little guilty, I couldn't help but react in defense of Takeshi.

"Takeshi is just—"

"—look, you're not screwing _Takeshi_. You're screwing _me_," he cut me off before I could finish. "Didn't you call me because you needed me?"

There wasn't anything malicious in what Alex was saying, but instead, hurt. It was true. I had called Cunningham in a mess, crying, pleading for his help. He drove over in a flash and kept insisting we talk, but I was the one who had jumped him the moment he arrived, mauled him in the kitchen, on the couch and in the bathroom, over and over, just so we wouldn't have to discuss what I was feeling. Just so I wouldn't be alone.

* * *

_My head shot up as soon as I heard the sound of a pounding at the front door._

_"Lizzie! Lizzie!"  
_

_I recognized the nickname immediately. Tears still wet on my cheeks, I pulled myself from the couch and rushed to open the front door. As soon as I pulled it back, a frazzled looking Alex sprung forward and snatched me into his arms._

_"Fuck..." his breathing was labored as he took my face in his hands, carefully looking me over. "Fuck, I'm sorry it took me so long. I went out to walk Tasku like I said I...I-I didn't get your message until..."_

_Alex trailed off to catch his breath and I stared at him in wonder. I'd called him in desperation, not really expecting a response of any kind. When I got the machine, it just reaffirmed to me my status as a one-night stand, but now...now Alex Cunningham Hume was standing in my doorway, panting, holding me close, telling me he wanted to be there for me. Tears began to stream down my cheeks, but I forced myself to smile through it._

_"Liz..." Alex invited himself in and shut the door. "What's going on? Why are you crying? Did someone-_

_Before he could finish, I smashed my lips to his. The last thing I wanted was to talk out the situation. When I felt Alex's firm chest and smelled his spicy, masculine scent, all I wanted was to forget. Forget everything about Takeshi. _

_"Liz wait." Alex resisted, but I was quick to yank at the zipper on his jacket, all the while peppering kisses along his jaw. "Liz, let's just ta-_

_"-no talking," I tried to keep the whimper out of my voice, but was unsuccessful. We were dangerously close, and I knew Alex could feel my tears wetting his skin. "I want it to be like last night...please. Like last night."_

_"Liz, I..." Alex tried to back away, but I was insistent. Unashamed, I stepped out of my shorts and pulled off my sweater before him. Standing there in my bra and panties, eyes bleary, I begged him again. _

_"Alex...please," I lifted his hands and placed them on my breasts. "I need you."_

* * *

"I said I needed the sex," I shoved him off me at the shameful memory. "That's all!"

"Then get out of the way and let me go," Alex shot back at me, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. He was smiling again, but it was totally condescending.

"If that 's really all you wanted," he started to open the door, but leaned over far enough for our lips to brush. "Then just move aside, Liz."

There was a distinct edge in his voice, and it startled me. Trembling a little, I put my hand on the knob and found myself frozen. I couldn't move.

I didn't _want _to move. The sex was one thing, but the comfort was another.

With a gentle touch, Alex skimmed his fingertips over my bare arms, and swooped in low to kiss my neck.

"You can't…can you?"

I remained silent, and enjoyed the feel of his smooth lips on my skin.

"You want me to stay, don't you?"

I swallowed audibly and gave a little nod.

"Please. I mean...just for a little." I murmured.

In reality, I was conflicted, but under Cunningham's passionate gaze and warm hold, I was pudding. Even though I was still facing the wall, I could feel his stare boring into me and his ragged breath on my cheek. When Alex leaned into me, his arousal was obvious even through his jeans, but it didn't bother me. Instead of recoiling, I splayed my hands out on the wall and pushed myself back against his body. He was so close I could feel his heart thumping in his chest and the throbbing pulse between his legs.

The moment I closed my eyes, I felt his hand on my lower back to hold me steady. With the other, he used his fingers spread me gently, pushing aside pink lace to expose my center. I felt his fingertips first, with slow circles that were firm but loving, and then a thick, familiar heat that was distinctly Alex. I couldn't stop my body from reacting.

"Ah!" I flexed my fingers, trying to clutch the wall.

"Say my name," Alex said simply.

His breath was hot on my ear and something about the ragged edge to his tone made me gasp. So masculine...so possessive. I had to pause a little to find my voice, but then I craned my neck to look into his eyes while I spoke.

"Cunningham," I whispered, breathless. Cunningham thrust himself forward without warning and I grabbed at the wall again to steady myself. I could hear myself whimpering, but couldn't stop the girlish sounds from escaping my throat.

"Alex," he murmured on my ear and then began to kiss and nip them both. "I like it when you say Alex."

"A-Alex..." I did exactly as I was told, and it really seemed to set Cunningham off. He held me tighter, pushed me right up to the wall and ground himself into me with each firm stroke. As much as I hated to admit it, Alex knew exactly what I liked and everything he did - intentional or not - drove me wild. Even his jeans, still half buttoned and hanging on his waist rubbed my thighs raw in a way I found erotic.

"Fuck...Alex!" I began to gasp, and he chorused with a moan.

As soon as my legs started to wobble, Cunningham pulled me to the bed in earnest. Once more we became a tangle of arms and legs, fighting for dominance. I threw my arms around his neck, trying to get on top, but Alex wasn't having it.

"Relax." He smiled, breathless while he kicked off his jeans in a rush. It was all he really had to say in order to still me. I slowed my breathing and let him pull himself on top of me. My heart was beating wildly, and deep down, I knew it wasn't all from physical exertion.

"Let someone else be in control for once," Alex bit my neck playfully and before I had a chance to react, grabbed hold of my right leg.

I squeezed my eyes shut as he bent it back toward my head, stretching me in a way I never was possible. He smiled a cheeky smile, as if he knew I was intimidated, and with a soft grunt, sunk down further inside me. His warmth and size were so overwhelming, I almost stopped breathing.

"Liz?" Alex's voice was sweet, but undeniably husky. "Is it...okay? Are you all right?"

I bit my lip to keep from tearing. I'd never been with a guy who'd asked me what I wanted or how I felt.

"Alex..." was the only thing I could murmur, rolling my hips up to meet his. He bent me gently, sweetly, so I could feel every inch and watch every moment. After that, I forgot my own name, let alone Takeshi's. We grabbed at one another hungrily and rocked the bed hard in its frame with our frenzied rhythm.

After a while I lost track of every "yes" and "oh god" and instead focused on the growing heat between us. Soon, Cunningham's breath became ragged and his grip on my thigh tightened. He whispered my name between thrusts, coaxing me to look him in the eyes. There was something incredible about the intensity of his gaze when we were together. It was if he could see nothing else but me. Without a second thought, I leaned up and crushed my lips on Alex's. The bed jerked harshly against the wall with our sudden movements and the scraping continued to crescendo until neither of us could take it any longer.

I broke first – whimpering and struggling in an uncharacteristic fashion I knew Alex loved to see. To him, I was deliciously weak, and that alone prompted his climax. He held me close and breathed hard against my shoulder with a mutter of a curse that made me smile. It wasn't long before were just a tangle of arms and legs, sheened with sweat and panting hard.

"So...dinner?" Alex pressed a kiss to my forehead and smiled. I cupped his face in my hands and sighed with a little smile of my own.

"You're paying."

* * *

I had no idea he'd be there.

If I knew, there was no way I'd have shown up hanging on Cunningham's arm, but life was like that sometimes. Screwy.

So I stood at the door in my dress, a slinky little black thing Alex had insisted on buying for me when I told him about my clothing situation. I hadn't concerned myself with dresses much and the only thing I could find was the blue, sleeveless Chinese-style gown I'd often worn to IGPX banquets.

Surprisingly, it didn't pain me nearly as much as I assumed it would to thank him. Moment by moment it was becoming easier to tolerate Alex's presence, and when he saw me come out of the dressing room in his first pick, I couldn't help but feel my heart skip a beat when he smiled. I'd never had someone look at me the way he did. It was the way I'd always dreamed Takeshi would, but times like that were over. Takeshi was too consumed with himself to see me as anything more than a friend.

I tried to convince myself I'd moved on, but when we entered the restaurant together and I saw Takeshi and Amy sitting together, I couldn't tear my eyes away.

"I'm not a big fan of Japanese, but if you love it I'm glad." Cunningham put a strong hand over my shoulders and then kissed the top of my head. I barely felt it.

"You okay?" he rubbed my shoulder a little and I snapped my attention back to the front of the restaurant.

"Yeah," I clutched him tightly. "Let's just…let's get a seat in the back, huh? It's nice and dark."

Alex chuckled a little at my response and raised his brows. "The back? Hmm, is someone still feeling a little frisky?"

My eyes wandered to Amy and Takeshi's table and I gave an uncomfortable little laugh.

"Yeah," I cuddled up to Alex. "That's it."

As one of the waiters arrived to show us to a free table, there was a brief commotion. I heard Takeshi's voice, and then Amy stammering something. When I looked up again, our eyes locked and she seemed embarrassed.

"Hey…" Cunningham smiled down at me. "Isn't that Takeshi and Amy? Want to say hi?"

Before I could protest, Alex was leading me over to the table. Takeshi and Alex weren't exactly mortal enemies anymore, but there was no way I wanted him and Amy to see me all dolled up on a dress with someone they both knew so well.

"Hey! Amy! Be more careful, will you!"

Takeshi's voice startled me and I jumped back closer to Cunningham, grabbing his arm again. Takeshi sprung up from the table and I noticed a water stain trailing down his pant leg. Amy looked up at me with bright red cheeks and as soon as Takeshi turned around, we were face to face.

"Hey Takashi, Amy…funny meeting you guys here." Cunningham gave them both a grin, but I couldn't even manage to crack a smile. I was so embarrassed and afraid, I couldn't speak.

"It's a nice night, huh?" Cunningham continued to ramble in a friendly little tone, but I couldn't concentrated with the way Takeshi was staring at me. I clutched my purse with one hand and continued to cling to Alex. No matter how I averted my gaze and shifted into Alex's shadow, he still kept his gaze locked on me. At first, he didn't seem angry. In fact, if it were anyone else I would have said he was checking me out, but it was _Takeshi_ for God's sake.

"Hey man." I finally muttered when I was brave enough to meet his gaze. Suddenly aware of myself, I let my hand fall away from Alex's shoulder.

"Hey," he grunted back at me.

"Were you just leaving?" Cunningham gestured towards the table and the scarcely eaten food. They looked as if they'd only just received their meals. I looked back to Takeshi for a response, but suddenly his eyes had changed. He seemed pissed, and was looking right at Alex.

"Yeah. I…I just lost my appetite," he scoffed.

"Hey wait," Cunningham put a hand on Takeshi's at the last moment. I felt my stomach flip and wanted to tell him to let it go, but only bit my lip.

"Takeshi, how about we all just sit down and—

It was a simple, friendly gesture, but Takeshi shrugged him off, regardless. "Don't touch me, okay?"

When I heard those words come out of his mouth, I was ready to double up and fight. It was one thing to be a little thrown off by the situation, but Takeshi was getting worse by the moment. He wouldn't even meet my eyes anymore. It was the same old same old. He always thought he was better than me! I curled my fists at my sides in anger. In the background, I could see Amy was anxious to put an end to things, but she was strangely quiet. I supposed it was a shock for her to see me with Alex as well.

"Touch whatever the fuck you want on her, but not me!" Takeshi snapped and I felt my jaw go slack.

_What was his deal?_ I wondered. _Why was I suddenly a whore?_ He'd been out with Fantine a million times and it was certainly no secret _they _were sleeping together, so why was it an issue that I was hanging around with Cunningham? The whole thing infuriated and saddened me at the same time.

_You never had any respect for me, did you?_

"Takeshi!" Amy grabbed Takeshi's hand and jerked him back a bit. "No more! Let's go."

But despite Amy's protests, Takeshi stayed glued. He was gauging my reaction, but I was doing my best to restrain myself. Cunningham on the other hand, was straining. I could feel him trying to edge past me, but I stayed firm.

"You're getting out of line, Takeshi," he growled in my defense. "Take Amy's advice and go cool down. Get out of here before you embarrass yourself." Cunningham put his arm around my shoulders again and squeezed. At that moment, I expected Takeshi to turn tail and run, but instead he took a step forward.

"No, that's fine! I've heard enough from you Cunningham, but you…Liz…you haven't opened your mouth since I started talking. What's wrong? You scared of admitting what a lousy friend you've been lately?"

When he said that, I felt like slapping him. I'd been a lousy friend? He was the one who couldn't find time for me anymore! He was the one who'd let all the fame go to his head!

I squeezed Cunningham's arm to keep from lunging forward.

"No? Nothing? You're not going to open your mouth? No…? I guess you only do that for German—

"—Takeshi! God, stop!" Amy practically screamed.

"Stop what!" Takeshi demanded.

"Yeah…stop what?" I shook my head. "He's just saying what he really thinks…isn't that right, Takeshi? It's what you've thought of me all along? That I'm lousy? That I'm a slut? Is that it?"

I wanted Takeshi to counter me and tell me everything was okay, but instead, he wouldn't look at me anymore. He seemed detached and muttered an excuse under his breath before stepping out of my way. Cunningham grabbed Takeshi's shoulder at the last moment and said something to him I couldn't hear. It didn't matter to me much, anyway. At that point, Alex could have taken Takeshi to a back alley and opened fire for all I cared.

I remained completely silent until Cunningham kissed my head again and walked me to an empty table in the back.

"You okay, _schatzi_?*" he whispered the pet name into my ear but I didn't smile the way I did when he used it on the way up.

"This is such shit," I started tearing into a pile of napkins in the middle of the table. I didn't feel hungry anymore, but Alex managed to coax me into a bowl of miso soup.

"Forget that asshole," Alex took a sip of his wine and then moved the glass before I could reach for it.

"A sip?" I asked quietly.

"You're not old enough," he stretched an arm across the table with a teasing smile and stroked my cheek. "And besides, the last thing you need to be doing is turning to alcohol to solve your issues, so buck up."

Though I knew he was right, I scowled anyway.

"So I'm old enough to ride you, but not old enough for a sip of wine?"

"Liz...," Alex picked at a piece of bread on my plate. "I'll ignore that because I know you're going through some shit."

He was trying his best, but I was still too stressed out to care.

"Sorry," I managed to croak out. Alex just covered my hand with his.

"How much did you like him?" he asked me suddenly.

"I never said I—

"—let's cut the bullshit, huh?" Cunningham chuckled. "You're not some dumb kid so don't act like one. In the grownup world it's okay to admit you like someone. Even if he _is_ a piece of shit."

"Alex…" I couldn't help but smile a little at his tone. "It…it wasn't a big deal."

"The tabloids say you two were together for a while when Takeshi let go of Fantine the first time."

"That's a lie…" I pushed around some tofu in my soup with the back of my spoon. "The truth is, Fantine went overseas to Paris for a year and they broke up. In that time I wanted to get closer to Takeshi as a friend and it happened. For once I felt like I was sort of bridging that gap, but as soon as it started, it was over. Fantine came back and it was like that summer, _that whole year, _never happened."

"Hm," Cunningham finished his glass and then ordered a martini.

"I'm not a very transparent person," I spoke quickly, but then felt a little embarrassed by the admission. "Maybe that's what he likes. Someone who can just come out and say what they're feeling and all that shit."

"Hm." Alex looked off in the other direction as I spoke.

"_He's_ changed. _He's_ he bastard. I remember when we used to spend hours just talking on the roof. About IGPX…about…just whatever. Now he's got to talk to tabloids, magazines, gotta go to photo shoots, gotta fuck Francine."

I looked to Alex and he supplied me with another, "Hm."

"Wait- shit, that made me sound jealous, didn't it?"

"Hm."

"I'm really…" I stopped myself. "Could you just stop sitting there and saying _'HMMM?_'"

"Why do you talk about him so much?"

I looked up at Cunningham – _really_ looked, and then realized what we were doing together. He didn't invite me out so I could bitch about Takeshi. He invited me out because he liked _me_. He wanted to share time with _me_.

"I'm sorry," I covered his hand with mine. "I just—

"—don't apologize, besides…I asked." Cunningham gave me an easygoing smile. After laying payment down for our "meal," he ushered me to my feet. Looking back, I couldn't help but notice that he grossly overpaid the bill.

"Let's just get out of here, huh? The mood's gone to hell."

He didn't have to ask me twice. I picked up my purse and slipped my hand into his. It felt nice, but my stomach was still churning over Takeshi and his selfish outburst.

"I'd take you back to my place and stay, but I really should get my head together. We have a race together in two days," Alex let me into the car on the passenger's side and then waked around to his.

The mention startled me back to reality. Alex was right. Team Satomi was racing Velshtein in two days and we'd hardly gotten any practice in together. Amy and I were okay, but Takeshi had been rarely attending practices. And after what happened moments before, I wasn't sure if he'd ever come again.

"You gonna meet your team late?" I leaned across the gearshift and let my head rest on Alex's shoulder.

"Yeah, Dew wants a midnight training session. As captain I can't really say no to more practice. It'll sound really punk-ass." He rolled his eyes and it made me giggle.

I immediately covered my mouth with both hands. Liz Ricarro didn't giggle. Ever. Alex just smiled. He seemed to pick up on my insecurities, but was nice enough to never say anything about them. I wondered back to the day before at the park. If he hadn't walked by being all smug, know-it-all and touch-feely, I'd never have found out what a nice guy he could be.

"Cute." Alex laughed again. "You're going to make me regret dropping you off." He pulled out of the parking space and I smiled as I looked out the window.

Secretly, I was hoping to catch a peek at Takeshi on the way home, but it was way too dark for that.

"I could stay and watch you practice," I said quietly. I really had no interest in their practice, but was just looking for an excuse not to go home alone.

"You'll be okay, Liz," he gave my leg a little squeeze, but didn't take his eyes off the road. "I'll tell you what, I'll drop you off at my place and then if you're still up when I get back, we'll watch a movie or something."

"Woah," I put my feet up on the dashboard. "This is some serious couple shit, huh? You move this fast with your other girls?"

"With other girls, there's never been an after-sex dinner date," he joked. "You're special."

When we pulled into the driveway, I thought of somehow coaxing Alex to stay with me, but IGPX was a big deal for the both of us, and I'm sure that if I was in his shoes, there would be no way in hell I'd skip out on a practice for kissing and cuddling.

"Tasku will keep you company," he gave me a peck on the lips and then grinned. "I know you'll love that."

I smiled, and we were silent together for a little while in the car before anyone moved.

"You're really sweet, Liz. Even if you try and put on that angry girl face, I know it. I can see it. We need to hang out more. Not just screwing around, but really…_you know_."

"Yeah," I kissed him again before taking his key and stepping out. I wasn't sure I belived him, but at the same time, I wasn't sure it mattered. "I'll wait up for you."

"And keep that dress on," he chuckled. "I'll enjoy taking it off later."

I just shook my head and headed up the driveway. It felt strange to be at Alex's house again when all we'd done was fool around a bit. Part of me wondered if he wasn't really just angling for a girl he could call and bang casually, but at the same time he was being awfully nice. My plan was just to absorb it all for as long as I could. I little bit of someone like Alex in a girl's life never hurt anyone.

_Right?_

In the dim lighting I fumbled for the key and unlocked the front door. At that moment there was a shuffling beside me and Tasku came running out, barking furiously. I jumped back, expecting the puppy to lunge at me, but instead, it jumped into a spot in the darkness.

"Holy shit! Call the dog off, will you!" a male voice yelped.

I turned on the light and cocked my head to the side to catch sight of the man that little Tasku was trying to attack.

There, looming in the dark on Cunningham's porch was none other than Takeshi "jerkoff" Jin.

* * *

**AN: **Well, that took forever, didn't it? Anyway, I have updated this story from chapter one so you should check my author's note on the very first page if you haven't already! Thanks for tolerating me guys!

*_schatzi -_ Little German term of endearment. Like saying my little sweetheart/darling/all that mush. ;p


	10. Glass Hearts

**Title:** When the Inside Wants Out

**Chapter ten: **Glass Hearts

**AN:** I updated! Yay!

* * *

In the dim lighting I fumbled for the key and unlocked the front door. At that moment there was a shuffling beside me and Tasku came running out, barking furiously. I jumped back, expecting the puppy to lunge at me, but instead, it jumped into a spot in the darkness.

"Holy shit! Call the dog off, will you!?" a male voice yelped.

I turned on the light and cocked my head to the side to catch sight of the man that little Tasku was trying to attack.

There, looming in the dark on Cunningham's porch was none other than Takeshi "jerkoff" Jin.

"Liz!" Takeshi waved his leg frantically as Tasku tried to nip at his heels, but I just stared.

'_Good dog,'_ I wanted to say, but then thought of Cunningham's neighbors and decided to do what I could to stop the noise from both of them. With my free hand grabbed hold of Tasku's collar and pulled him into my arms. He quieted himself at once and couldn't help but smile a little. The dog had good taste, just like his master.

"Liz…" Takeshi tried again, but I pretended he wasn't there. I was fully prepared to slam the front door in his face, but at the last moment, he shoved his foot in the doorway.

"Liz, please" he strained from the weight I leaned on the doorjamb. I smirked at the look of pain on his face.

"You have a lot of fucking gall to come here."

"Liz—

"—are you sure you mean Liz?" I dropped Tasku on the floor and shooed him off into the house. "Don't want to call me a slut again?"

Takeshi dropped his head in shame. "Look, Liz, I-I know…I was wrong to say all that stuff to you but—"

I started to close the door on him again, but this time Takeshi pushed forward with all his might, sending the door slamming hard against the wall. I jumped back, startled, and Tasku came running out of nowhere. In the commotion, Takeshi was able to squeeze in and lock the door behind him.

"Please just listen to me!" He shouted.

"Why?" I challenged him. "You fucking prick, I should let this dog get at your throat!"

Tasku started yapping again behind my leg and Takeshi fell silent. His eyes were roaming around Cunningham's home – the fancy chandeliers, the leather couches, and the clean, sterile surfaces.

"You have to leave," I said firmly. "You don't belong here."

"Yeah? And you do?" Takeshi scoffed and picked up a small crystal figurine of a bonsai tree from a table in the foyer. I felt nervous, thinking of all the expensive things in the house, and took a step forward to stop him from doing anything rash.

"Put that back and leave, man. Just go."

Takeshi glared at the bonsai and then me.

"You think you belong here?" he challenged me again, and the words seemed to cut me deeper. _Just what was he trying to insinuate?_

"You think you fit in with his high class high society lifestyle? I mean, outside of IGPX…do you know him? Do you think you're anything to him but a piece of ass?"

"Jesus Christ, man…" my voice was a whisper.

For a moment, Takeshi seemed to regret his choice of words, but then shook the thought from his head. "I know guys Alex, okay?" he approached me with a more gentle tone. "You may think he's into you, but he's not. He's an opponent, not a friend. "

Hearing those words, I wanted to cry. It was disturbing to know that Takeshi could just look me in the eye for the second time that night and do everything in his power to bring me down.

"He's not," he said again, but like before, his voice was soft. "Liz—

"—I know what I'm doing here!" I snapped back at him, but turned a little so that he couldn't see the way my eyes shimmered with tears. "You can't just come into my boyfriend's house and start—

"—boyfriend?" Takeshi looked taken back, and I felt it too. Alex and I had been "seeing each other" for a total of two days, but it didn't matter. I _wanted _Takeshi hurt over it. I _wanted_ it to kill him.

"Get out of here!" I cried out again, and Takeshi placed the bonsai back on the table.

"I'm only saying this stuff for your own good!" he challenged me. "Don't you even read the tabloids? Alex has sex with tons of girls whenever he wants it and you're no different from them!"

"No different from a whore, you mean?"

"Liz, you know that's not what I meant!" Takeshi tried to get closer, but I took a step back. "I'm saying Cunningham is not the guy for you. No matter what he tells you—

"—shut up!" I picked up Tasku before he could lunge at Takeshi and then turned my back to him. "You prick, you act like you're the only one allowed to be happy!"

"Liz…"

"You and Fantine, that's all right, that's okay, but when I find someone who treats me decently, it has to be wrong, huh?" Before I realized it, tears were slipping down my cheeks. "Cunningham cares about me. He cares about how I feel and he doesn't blow me off and…"

I could feel Takeshi start to get closer, and as soon as he touched my shoulder, Tasku began to squirm in my arms.

"I care about you too, Liz."

Before I had a chance to respond, the sound of someone jiggling the lock cut through our silence. There was a loud curse, and then banging on the front door.

"Lizzie! Lizzie are you okay in there!?"

_Lizzie…_

The smooth, deep male voice startled me back to reality.

_Cunningham. My Cunningham._

"Alex!" With Tasku still in my arms, I bolted past Takeshi and unlocked the front door. Alex nearly fell onto me midway through his attempt to elbow down the door.

Without a second thought, I threw myself into his arms. I knew Takeshi had to be watching, and I wanted to him to eat his words. However, things didn't orient themselves the way I planned. Instead of holding me tight, Alex only gave my arm a slight touch before moving me out of the way and heading straight for Takeshi.

"What are you doing in my home? What have you been saying to Lizzie?" he demanded.

Takeshi looked at me with hurt in his eyes, but then shook his head.

"I'm not here to start a fight with you, Hume. All I wanted to do was talk to Liz—

"—talk to her? I had neighbors call me telling me they heard banging and shouting! What kind of talk…"

I watched Alex try to get closer to Takeshi, but as soon as Takeshi's back hit the wall, he pushed Alex in the shoulder and stood in front of me.

"Look, I'm just gonna go," he directed his words to me, though Alex was fuming behind him. "I shouldn't have come here…"

Takeshi closed his eyes and took a breath to collect himself. I wanted to say something snarky in response, but there was a softness to his voice that kept me silent.

"Take care of yourself, Liz. Please." he stepped in and cupped my cheek. It was so brief, and in a second his hand slid down to my shoulder for a squeeze. I surprised myself by not recoiling. In fact, for a moment, I was taken back.

* * *

"_This stuff tastes like ass," I wobbled a little as I shifted a little beside Takeshi on the roof of his car. He was parked in the middle of a grassy field and we'd been sitting there for hours in the dusk, sharing a bottle of Jack Daniels he'd smuggled from his parent's house. He called me and he drove me there in silence before spilling the beans. _

_He and Fantine had broken up just hours before. _

"_You're still drinking it," Takeshi chucked too loudly near my ear and I knew he was as gone as I was._

"_Yeah, I must really be trashed," I lay back on the roof and folded my arms on my bare stomach. From the corner of my eye I could see Takeshi trying to peer down the front of my half-shirt. _

"_Yea…" his voice became soft and airy._

"_So…" I turned my head and watched Takeshi take a swig straight from the bottle. He tried to play it off with a drink, but I knew it was burning him. I could see the tears in his eyes._

"_It's really over? Like I mean…for real?" I finished. I wanted to sound sympathetic, but blood was pounding so loud in my ears I had no idea how I came across. _

_When Takeshi said nothing, I tried again._

"_S-sorry I…" I started, but then lost my nerve. "Pass the bottle, man. My buzz is wearing off."_

_Takeshi extended his arm to hand the bottle, and I managed to snatch it quickly before it spilled on my shirt._

"_Sorry," he muttered, but I just held the bottle close. As I tilted it over my plastic cup, I heard Takeshi grunt._

"_We both thought it would be right if we took a like…a break, you know. She said…sh-she said that…" he paused to collect his thoughts and I filled my cup to the brim._

"_That she didn't want to be attached while we were so far apart. It's gonna be a year…" he mumbled. "But who the hell cares? I feel like…nothing really clicked with us._

"_It seemed like—_

"—_not really," his lips formed a tight line. "not like…deep. I always felt distant from her at some level. I wanted to be close. Like as close as I am with…with you."_

_I sat straight up in surprise and spilled alcohol down the front of my shirt. I wasn't wearing anything beneath it and the stain quickly began revealing me. I met Takeshi's eyes in shock and studied his face. The rosy cheeks and the drowsy stare._

"_You're loaded," I whispered, trying to chuckle a little, but my heart hurt. _

"_I always had a crush on you," he reached over and cupped my cheek. Startled again, I dropped the cup and Jack went spilling all over my lap and the roof of the car. Takeshi just chuckled and slid his hand down to squeeze my shoulder. "You are the only one who lkie…like…understands me. So…fucking sweet."_

_There was a long silence between us and takeshi downed the rest of my spilt cup._

"_I always cared about you Takeshi," I blurted without thinking, but Takeshi just lay back against the roof. He really was wasted. Once again, I felt my heart start to ache._

"_She thinks she should just screw around French guys in F-France-land while I wait on her," he snapped his head over to me while I began to climb down from the roof, soaked with alcohol and sniffling. _

"_She doesn't see…" he leaned up to watch me wring out my shirt. "What's right in-front of her eyes."

* * *

_

As soon as Takeshi stepped out, Alex slammed the door shut behind him.

"What a sore loser," he muttered under his breath. I nearly dropped Tasku.

"What did you say?" I tried to keep my tone from drifting into a hostile, accusatory range. Alex looked back at me over his shoulder.

"Hn?" he raised a brow.

"Just now you said…y-you called him a 'sore loser.'" I scoffed. "What…what is this Alex, am I some sort of toy you're fighting—

"—Liz, please. Don't. Not now." he touched my shoulder in the same place Takeshi had before, but Alex's hand felt heavy.

When he broke away, instead of asking what had happened, Alex surveyed the room. Instantly, he went to the crystal bonsai plant and corrected its place on the table.

"Thank god he didn't break anything, huh?" he gave me a little smile, but I didn't return it. Tasku began to whine in my arms.

"I'm okay too," I whispered. "Thanks for asking."

For a moment, Alex said nothing, but then turned and pulled me close before I could protest. Tasku, suffocating, jumped out of my arms and onto the floor.

"Hey, don't be like that," Alex sighed. "I was just frazzled. I left my practice as soon as I got the call, Liz. It's not like I came here to blow you off," he tried to kiss me, but I turned my head.

"I understand," I murmured.

"You look so wilted," he grinned and tried to push my chin up a little. "Where's my spicy Liz gone, huh?"

Alex began to kiss on my neck, and I struggled to pull back. He was a lot stronger than I anticipated, and even though I'd flipped and pinned Takeshi on occasion, I couldn't even make Alex budge.

"I'm not in the mood, Alex," I sighed out. "Just go back to practice," I immediately expected him to back off, but he kept a firm hold on my forearm.

"I came back for you," Alex still had a little smirk on his lips. "Don't be such a frigid bitch, huh?"

I stepped back in anger and it took all my restraint not to slap him across his dirty smirking mouth. When Alex saw the astonishment on my face, he looked apologetic.

"Hey, it's…it's late. I'm tired and I didn't mean to—

"—you seem to be saying a lot of things you don't mean!" I picked up my purse and hit him in the shoulder with it. "I knew this shit was too good to be true. All you guys, you're all the same—

"—Liz!" Alex grabbed me again, harder, and pinned me to the wall. "Look -- calm down! Just calm down. Haven't I been nothing but a gentleman, Liz? I've never made you do anything, have I?"

I had to force myself to look into Alex's eyes. He said all the right things, but after listening to Takeshi, it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Every word seemed to be missing sincerity, and my stomach churned at the thought of being lied to again. I didn't know who I could trust.

"Have I?" he demanded of me once more.

"No," I whispered.

"Then come on schatzi…" Alex started to push down the front of my dress. "Let's just make up."

"I think I'd feel better if I left," I said, suddenly uneasy, but Alex wouldn't let me go.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he asked. I couldn't look at him. It was a question, but to me it sounded entirely rhetorical. No matter what I said, he was going to keep pushing on me.

"I just want to go home," I tried a stiff shove, but Alex caught both my arms.

"Liz--

"--I have a headache, man. Please," I tried again, but he kept me pinned against the wall.

"Then calm down and let me take your mind off it," he reached for my zipper and I swung my leg up, between his legs. Alex cursed and instantly buckled down against the floor.

"Scheiße!" he crumpled before me in an instant. Tasku began to bark and I grabbed my purse from the floor. Alex was still calling after me while I ran like an idiot, straight out the front door. Once I was down the street far enough, I stopped to catch my breath. He hadn't even bothered to follow me.

'_Probably back there icing his crotch.'_ I thought, sinisterly.

Standing there in the dark, I wasn't sure what to do. I was sure I'd overreacted a bit, but I wouldn't dare go back to see Alex and say that. No way.

'_Real classy, Liz. Real classy.'

* * *

_

"You kicked him in the balls?" Amy spluttered through her tea, trying her best not to burst out in laughter.

I smiled and pushed my own cup around on Amy's kitchen table. If I could count on anyone to have an ear open at one in the morning, it was her. I'd headed back to my own place shortly after the incident with Alex, but when I couldn't sleep, ended up on Amy's doorstep. Though she looked like hell and was yawning every step of the way, Amy just smiled and ushered me in.

She'd grown a lot in two years – and not just in age. I had to admit, she'd matured into a beautiful young lady with a dark sense of humor and an adventurous side. I could trust and depend on her. Of course, it had to help that her parents were around again. She still lived alone, but I knew from experience that it was nice to at least have the option of having company around when you needed it the most.

"Yeah…" I said, wistfully, not making eye contact. "I think I might have overreacted, though."

"Why?" Amy stood from the table suddenly and began rooting through the cabinets for something. "From the way you explained it, he was pretty much forcing himself on you. You don't deserve stuff like that from that prick…"

I swirled the last bit of tea around in my mug and then took a sip. I could barely swallow. All the sugar had collected at the bottom and I hadn't stirred properly.

"He was all right beforehand, though. I think he might have still been peeved about Takeshi and…I don't know… he probably thought it was a good way to get on my good side."

Amy pulled a tin of English sugar cookies from the shelf and nearly dropped it upon hearing me speak.

"Are you kidding me? Am I speaking to Liz Ricarro right now? Seriously?"

She dropped the tin on the table and I put my head in my hands.

"I don't know what's happened to me. Normally I would have pounded my friggin' fist through his skull, but…"

"Maybe Cunningham mesmerized you. He said all the right things, didn't he?"

"Yeah, and the sex was pretty phenomenal," I sighed without thinking and poured myself another cup of tea. Amy plopped down with a coy smirk on her lips.

"Really?" she took a few cookies from the tin and then passed it to me. "Spill."

"You're too young to know," I teased.

"Liz!"

"Let's just say…" I peeked at her over the rim of my cup. "He's one hell of a forward."

Amy burst into a fit of laughter. "Yeah, and a manipulative jerk. We'll have to crush Velshtein on Wednesday."

I stared back at the tea again. "About that…"

"What's wrong?"

"I just don't know if I'm ready to give up on him. Sure, he said some shitty things, but it's nothing like what Takeshi did to me. It's not like he…"

"Like he what?" Amy's voice was firm, but full of concern. "If Alex doesn't treat you right, you'd be a fool to settle!"

"You sayin' I'm an idiot or something?" I clenched my teacup and growled. She wasn't the one I was mad at, but I felt like unleashing.

"Liz, come on. I'm calling things the way I see them. I think it's time to accept things for the way they are. Takeshi is…he's…I have no idea what's going on in his mind right now, but forget about him. Don't let his business get in the way of you and…someone special. Just think, if he hadn't shown up tonight, would you be here with me?"

"No," I murmured, but then thought of Alex's comment back in the apartment.

'_Sore loser…'_

"Maybe I should just apologize,"

Amy tensed visibly. "Well, yes…I guess. If…if you think that's what's right. Just make sure you're happy. That's all I want to see, Liz. Your happiness."

We were quiet together for a while, but then I nodded.

"Thanks for the tea and pep talk, Ames." I pushed away my cup of tea, still full, and stood. "I guess I'll leave you alone now."

I chuckled to myself, but Amy caught my wrist at the last moment.

"Hey, stay." Her voice was soft and sweet on my ears. "You'd have to be insane to go prancing up and down the streets in that dress at this time of night."

"Liz Ricarro doesn't prance," I laughed and Amy's grip eased up. Her palm slid into mine and for a moment, I realized how soft her hands were. Amy recoiled first, as if her fingers were on fire, and then averted her gaze to the hall. The dim lighting cast a warm, rosy glow on her cheeks, and for a moment it seemed as though she was blushing.

"Anyway, you should stay here. My bed's big enough for the two of us. It'll be like a big, dysfunctional sleepover."

Amy laughed suddenly and I studied her carefully.

"Are you okay?" I wondered aloud. Amy shifted from foot to foot, suddenly timid. I hadn't seen her act that way since she was 14.

"I just…" she came closer. "I'm real worried about you. Men can be such pigs. I mean--"

She cut herself off and shook her head, sending her once-perfect blonde pin-curls everywhere.

"We have an early practice tomorrow. Let's get to bed so we can kick ass, huh?" Amy gave me a stiff punch in the shoulder and I responded with a slow nod.

Trying to shake off Amy's weirdness and Alex's jack-assy behavior, I thought of Takeshi. It had been a while since I'd seen him and Francine together. I stood in the hall while Amy busied herself cleaning up her room and recalled the gentle way he touched my shoulder, and the strange softness in his voice. But instead of comforting, it disturbed me. 


	11. Confession

Title: When the Inside Wants Out

Chapter 11: Confession

AN: This is such a random update... I've been away for so long and couldn't figure out whether or not to finish this story, but all of a sudden, ideas came to me and I thought... hey, I should get this chapter out! lol! So, I apologize once again for the long wait! I really appreciate everyone who has been reading since the beginning, and even new readers! Your reviews and positive comments keep me going! Thanks so much! Love you!:)

* * *

"I can't believe you, Takeshi. It's pretty low that I had to come here and discuss this with you," Fantine huffed as she sat next to me on her bed, holding one of her stuffed animals. I hadn't seen her in at least a week since our argument, or made an effort to even call or apologize for what happened at the love hotel. Francine was right to be pissed at me, but I couldn't muster up concern over it. All I could think about was Liz and the way I'd treated her over the past few days.

_Hell, over the past year. _

"I thought you said nothing ever happened between you two," Fantine gave me a hurt look. I snapped back to reality in an instant.

"What? Me and…me and Liz? No! I swear," I squeezed my eyes shut to block out some old memories.

'_But maybe I should have taken the chance.'_

"Then how do you explain—

"—come on, the hotel again?" I sighed.

"Of course the hotel again!" Francine bit at me. Her eyes were narrowed almost to slits. I'd never seen her so angry before.

"And it's not just the hotel…" her voice was edgy. "It's the way you always hang out with her. It's not normal."

"Not normal?" I scoffed loudly. "I stopped hanging around with her the first time you said it bothered you, Fantine, but honestly, why do I have to sacrifice a friend just because you're insecure!"

"Insecure?" Fantine was fuming. "Is that what you think this is? Everyone with half a brain knows that she has feelings for you! You can't be that dense."

I didn't respond right away. Instead, I looked at the bed sheets and studied the pink checkerboard pattern. I wasn't dense. Of course there were rumors about Liz having a crush and I knew what I'd felt for her in the past, but that was just it.

The past.

I pictured Liz for a moment and shook my head. Liz and I had always been great friends, but lately that had disintegrated. Deep down, I felt I knew why, but didn't want to admit it. Ever since Fantine came back and their flirtatious summer had ended, I began to push her away.

"I chose you, didn't I?" I spoke bitterly, gaze still down. Fantine pushed her white stuffed bear into my chest with a force so hard it knocked me to the floor.

"As if that's supposed to mean something!" she cried.

"We hung out during the summer," I said firmly. "Nothing happened. I mean, god forbid I hang out with a friend while my girlfriend is off doing god knows what in another country!"

"We weren't together then," Fantine's voice was stiff and quiet. "If you wanted to screw her, you should have gotten it out of your system then like any other person would. You can't carry on this ridiculous relationship now!"

"So is that what you did?"I chuckled, though I was boiling over with anger. "You used your little break in France to screw other guys while I waited on you?"

"Takeshi…" Fantine just chewed her lips. "I'm here now. I want you now. Will you give me all of yourself?"

I glared at the floor and thanked God when my cell phone buzzed from inside my pocket. It was just a message from Amy, but I was thrilled for the temporary distraction.

_Takeshi, where the hell r u?_

_Practice started an hr ago! We r racing V-stein tmmrw, you know that?_

_This is ur last chance. R u really going to lose to him?_

I stared at the last line of the message, a death grip on my phone. Liz was the one who usually sent the angry texts, but it seemed Amy had slid into place just fine. But that line… I knew what she meant.

'_**Him…'**_I clenched my fists and then turned for the door without a word.

"So that's it?" Fantine murmured. "You're running out on this?"

From the bed, I could feel Fantine looking at me expectantly, but I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes. It was time to for me to fess up to what I'd known all along.

When I finally arrived at the Team Satomi Training Facility, I expected to see Amy and Liz on the treadmill as usual. However, as soon as I stepped in, there was no one to greet me. The equipment was barren and only the faint whirring of the air conditioning could be heard.

"Was this a joke?" I muttered, looking at my watch, but as soon as I asked the question, I got my answer.

From the locker rooms came Amy and Liz, dressed in sweats, chatting between themselves. Liz didn't look like the angry, bundle of nerves I'd seen last night at her house. When she spoke with Amy, it was smooth and natural.

"That dress was serious business," I watched as Amy gave Liz a little nudge in her ribs. Liz didn't respond physically, but shrugged, seemingly at a loss for words.

"Jean Paul-frickin'-Gautier," Amy emphasized the name loudly. "It has to cost thousands!"

A pink hue spread over Liz's cheeks and I felt tense.

"Keep your voice down, will you?" she scolded. "Besides, what do you think – he can just buy me with a damn dress?"

"Ha, right." Amy pulled off her jacket and slung it over an elliptical machine. "Good strategy. If I was you I'd keep holding out for a house. Maybe a Benz."

"You're horrible," Liz shook her head, but even from afar I saw the inklings of a smirk on her lips. It was infectious, and if I wasn't so worried, I would have smiled too.

Never in a million years would I be able to afford the things Cunningham could. Even racing IGPX, I could never give her even half as much. Alex came from money, and though my family did decently, he could outdo me ten times over in that sense.

When Amy cocked her head to the side and caught a glimpse of me, I straightened up and tried not to sulk. I was behaving like a child. Like I'd tossed aside a perfectly good toy and was now pissed that the neighborhood kid was having fun with it.

'_But she's…she's not a toy.' _

"Hey Takeshi, it's about time!" Amy piped up and waved me over.

It was then I saw Liz's expression sour. Her shoulders tensed, her frown deepened, and her brows knitted together in thought.

"Hey Amy…" I tried to approach as normal, but it was hard to stay focused when Liz's fiery aura was surrounding me.

"…Liz," I finished, meeting her eyes.

"Yeah…well," Amy gave an awkward little stretch. "I'm gonna go talk to Andre real quick."

I tried to catch her arm to bring her back, but Amy was quick to slip from my hold and down another hall.

"She's painfully obvious, huh?" Liz sighed and tossed off her own jacket.

I tried not to stare, but the heavy fabric sliding off her tanned shoulders was strangely arousing.

For a moment, I was frozen. Liz wore a regular tank top as usual, but today I couldn't notice but focus on the way it fit her. Really fit her – like a glove to skin. I saw everything from the full curves of her breasts to the lean, taught muscles across her stomach. As much as it bothered me, I couldn't help but wonder if Cunningham had touched those places – if he'd trailed kisses along her ample cleavage or felt those lovely muscles tense when she—

I shook my head, cheeks hot. It wasn't as if I'd never had a sexual thought about Liz – I was_ human_, and a guy at that, but never was I prompted to act on it. We had always been friends, but ever since she'd been going with Cunningham, I'd been…_bothered_. I'd never been able to have it all with Liz, the friendship and _the other_, but all of a sudden he waltzes in and it was so _easy._

"Look, no matter what happens between us off the track…well, that's where we leave it…right?" Liz's smooth voice shook me back to reality. "We don't have to be friends, but we do have to work together."

Her words cut, but it made perfect sense. Over the course of a few days, I'd done possibly irreparable damage to our already strained relationship.

"Liz…about last night…" I started. "I was only looking out for you."

"You could have fooled me," she responded sharply, but then sighed. "Look, let's just not talk about this right now."

She walked off without even looking at me again and I had no choice but to follow. For now, at least, I knew what was the end of it.

When we headed into the training center again, I expected to see the regular treadmill setup, but instead Mark and Amy were standing beside each other in front of a large computer screen, beaming.

"What's this?" Liz asked, as puzzled as I was.

"A new set-up," Andre gestured to three dark leather seats positioned in front of an array of controls. Hanging down from the ceiling were countless wires and restraints.

"It looks more like torture," I replied, smirking. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Amy laugh and Liz's lips twitch up in a strained smile.

"Ha-ha," Andre turned down the lights in the room. "Look, we've done virtual simulations before, but this is different."

Amy, Liz and I watched with wide eyes as Andre pulled out a set of goggles and gloves that were attached to the large set-up.

"Liz, com'ere. You first," Andre took a puzzled Liz by the hand and helped her onto the stand in front of one of the chairs.

Amy and I took seats in front of her and watched expectantly. As soon as Andre helped her into a pair of boots and a slim, black jacket, Liz slouched forward.

"Woah! Man, it's like the real weight…" she lifted her foot experimentally and the screen behind her lit up.

"What's it like?" Amy perked up.

"When I look through the goggles, I can see the track. It's like being inside my mech!" Liz laughed and I was delighted to hear the light back in her voice.

"Neat, huh? You guys can train and practicing formations without ever going on the track. The body harness, gloves and boots simulate the real weight and as you move. The first activity I'll have Liz cycle through is agility and decision-making."

Liz cocked her head, puzzled.

"Pay attention to what you see in the goggles and hear around you. I've uploaded sound bites from previous races so you'll be able to hear things from Amy, Takeshi, and other teams on the track. The objective is to cancel out the extraneous and focus on the task at hand," Andre turned on the screen and all of a sudden, I could see the track.

"What do you see, Liz?" Amy piped up.

"The IGPX track!" Liz smiled. "So all I have to do is race the track?"

"Yep," Andre had a hint of mirth in his voice. "In 3…2…1…"

As soon as the countdown was over, I watched Liz's body jerk into action. Every muscle on her body seemed to tense up and loud beeping noise sounded off. On the screen, Liz's mech whizzed down the track.

"Relax," Andre warned. "That beeping is from a heart rate monitor. A little adrenaline is natural, but don't let yourself get worked up. If you do, it only throws your focus off."

Liz moved backward and her posture corrected itself. I watched the track whizz by on the screen as she moved and felt each turn and curve with her. Everything was smooth until all of a sudden, Amy's voice was projected.

"Don't be in such a rush! Pay attention!"

Amy laughed as she heard the recording. It was from their last race with Sledge Mamma. The heart monitor beeped steadily for a moment, then went silent. Out of the right on the screen came another mech, preparing to ram into her, but Liz swiftly dodged.

"Amazing!" she smiled.

"Glad you're enjoying it. The course is almost over, so I'll let you run it, Amy," Andre ushered the young genius up to the master computer.

"I'll see you three later," he waved us off, but I wasn't paying attention. Like Liz, I was focused on the race.

The track curved again, sharply, and Liz leaned into it. On her right, another large mech came into view. It was rushing on her, and I could see Liz tense up. She was a defender. It was her job to prevent anyone from muscling through her. My eyes narrowed as I focused in on her stance and I could tell she was stressing.

While we raced, I never noticed things like that. I assumed it came natural to her, but just as I had to struggle to focus as the forward, so did Liz as a defender.

"Come on!" she crouched a little, hand posed to strike. "Try it! I dare you!"

The mech swerved back and forth on the track, taunting her. Liz moved her hips slightly to matched and I couldn't take my eyes off her. Just as she shot out a hand to block it, another voice came through the speaker.

"You're going to slip up, Takeshi. Intention is all well and good, but…"

It was Cunningham, clear as day.

A simple sound clip from an interview we'd done together once, and although the context was wrong, it startled me.

My eyes went back to Liz and I saw that apparently, it had done the same to her.

Liz jerked her hand down suddenly and her heart rate sped up. A loud, rapid, beeping noise filled the room and I had to cover my ears.

"Amy!" I snapped. "Amy shut that off!"

"Intention is only half the battle," the sound clip continued. The large mech barreled past and all of a sudden, the screen shook. Liz topped over as if she had gotten the wind knocked out of her, and ripped off the goggles in anger.

"Shit! That came out of nowhere…" she said, panting heavily, but she wouldn't look me in the eye.

"It didn't! Don't lie, Liz." I couldn't help myself. "You saw it, but you froze up when you heard—

"—you know, you're getting damn good at giving your opinion when it's not wanted!" Liz began to strip out of the weights and Amy moved quickly to get in between us.

"Wait, wait! Don't start fighting!" Amy tried to hold onto Liz's arm and keep her from moving, but she was determined. "It was just a simulation!"

"Let go, Amy!" Liz got right up in my face. "You didn't want anything to do with me until Alex! You didn't even want anything to do with the team!"

"Yeah, yeah well I was wrong!" I spat out, and Liz's eyes went wide with shock. It was a shitty way to be apologizing, but I didn't know what else to say.

"I was wrong," I lowered my voice. "I should have been there for the team. I…I should have been there for you… and Amy."

Amy let go of Liz's wrist and turned her back on us to give us space. Liz still seemed shocked into silence.

"You were right," I told her. "I let the fame get to my head. I convinced myself that as long as we were winning, there was no problem. And…I was wrong. I was so wrong."

"You don't understand," Liz was quiet. She seemed to be thinking deeply about something, but at least she didn't look mad. I scooped both of her hands in mine.

"Then help me understand, why don't you?"

Liz started to open her mouth again, but at that moment, there was a loud knocking sound. All three of us turned our heads towards the doorway and saw none other than Alex Cunningham Hume standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers bigger than his head. He was smiling, completely oblivious to the tension in the room, and looking at no one else but Liz.

Amy seemed ticked, and wouldn't look at me. I dragged my gaze back to Liz and saw her blushing.

"What are you doing here?" she rushed up to the doorway and grabbed hold of Alex's hand. They let the glass door shut behind them, but I stayed glued, watching the interaction.

"Takeshi," Amy tried to distract me. "You want to give the simulation a try?"

"Gee. How could anyone compete with that?" I ignored her and scoffed, watching Alex bring Liz close to his chest. She seemed embarrassed, but took the flower bouquet with both hands.

"It's only money," Amy put her hand on my shoulder. "You can't help who you love."

"What? Are you crazy? Who said anything about love?" I smiled it off, but felt a pain in my chest when Alex leaned in to kiss Liz.

I turned away as their faces started to come together, and when I looked back up, they were both standing away from each other. Liz was holding the flowers, and had one hand pushing open the glass door.

"Dinner, at seven? My place?"

I heard Alex speak when the door opened under the weight of her hand. Liz nodded brusquely, and turned back to face us. I couldn't help but notice the bright flush of pink on her cheeks, and the confident smile on Alex's lips.

"Sorry…about…" she mumbled under her breath, but didn't finish the sentence. Amy's eyes darted frantically between me and Liz, but when I remained silent, she heaved a sigh and scurried to Liz's side.

"Wow, those are beautiful!" She scooped the roses from Liz's arms and I scowled. It was dumb of me because I didn't know what I'd been expecting, anyway. For Amy, Liz would always come first. That was the kind of friendship they had.

"Yeah…" Liz pushed a bit of hair behind her ear and smiled. It was a surprisingly girlish motion, and it pissed me off.

"He's really a good guy," Amy eyed me sharply as she gave Liz's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

I looked to Liz for a reaction, but she only nodded, and turned back to the simulator.

"Let's run it again, okay?"

After at least ten trials at the simulator to clean up dynamics and form, Liz, Amy and I went our separate ways to pack up. As I changed my clothing in the locker room, however, I could hear their voices carrying over from their side of the hall.

"So what's going on with you and Alex tonight?" Amy sounded peppy as usual.

"Dinner, his place." Liz answered, and though it was terrible of me, I was glad to hear a lack of enthusiasm in her voice.

"You don't sound excited," Amy got quieter. "Are you still thinking about what he did to you? Did he even apologize?"

The question made me uneasy. '_What he did to you?_' I thought of the trouble I'd stirred up at Liz's house and how angry Cunningham had been when I'd left.

'_Shit. What if he hit her or something? That prick…'_ I clenched my fists and leaned in around the corner to hear better.

"I…I don't really want to talk about it, Amy. We'll see how things go and I'll call you later, okay?" Liz was quick to blow off the question and I heard the sound of her locker shutting.

"Oh…well, alright." Amy's followed suit. "Stay safe!"

There was a quick shuffling, and then before I could step away, Amy pushed through the door separating the men and women's changing area. Though it collided with my chest, she didn't seem the least bit surprised to see me standing there.

"Dear God, you're really fucking lame, Takeshi," she shook her head at me and I frowned.

"When'd you turn into such a foul mouthed kid?" I wondered aloud.

"I suppose around the same time you turned into a dick." she slung her gym bag over one shoulder with a wide grin. "Look, if you're not going to do something about how you feel, you've gotta drop this. Alex and Liz clearly have a thing going."

"And you support it?" I scoffed at her.

"Liz is my friend. No matter what, I support her. At least Alex is trying!"

_Yeah,_ I glared at the ground. _I'm sure he is._

When I didn't respond, Amy shook her head at me and started off. "The best thing you could do is just leave her alone," she called back over her shoulder. "You hear me? _Make a move_ or leave her the fuck alone!"

I was about to shout back when, as if on cue, Liz pushed through the door carrying her roses and dress box under one arm. In the other, her full gym bag.

"Need some help?" I tried to act innocent. Liz seemed awkward at first, but then gave me the handle of her gym bag.

"Thanks man," she cradled the gifts in her arms with a smile that I couldn't help but return. I wanted to say something, but Liz beat me to it.

"Look… I appreciate the apology you gave back there," she sighed. "I just…I've been holding onto a lot of shit since last summer and…"

I watched Liz struggle with her words and the anxious way she squeezed the roses to her chest. It was stupid, but I couldn't help but think she looked cute when she was flustered. Softer, more vulnerable.

Instead of allowing her to flounder, I spoke up.

"I didn't realize I'd lost myself in this," I said sincerely. "The racing and all the fame and Fantine…but I know now, and it's over."

"Over?" Liz's brows knitted together. "T-takeshi…you mean you and Fantine…"

"It's no big deal!" I tried to break the tension with a laugh that was far too loud. "We weren't meant to be, I guess. Déjà vu, huh? You were the fist person I told last time, too."

"I remember." Liz didn't look at me.

I wanted her to smile, but instead she reached for the gym bag with a mumbled, "I should go."

"That summer was the best of my life," I blurted. Again, Liz offered me nothing.

"You were there for me," I tried again. "And we…I mean I…I really felt some—

"—Takeshi, don't start, okay?" Liz finally snapped. She wanted to push past, but I blocked her path.

We were close – my body hovering over hers against the wall – covering, but never really touching. I could feel her heat, and hear her breath, and it made me feel so good. So good that I couldn't help but wonder whether Cunningham felt that way all the time.

"What?" I couldn't keep the husky tone out of my voice. Liz raised her gaze to my face, and for a moment, I swear I saw a trace of blush on her cheeks.

Unfortunately, it was short lived. Before I could even think of leaning in, she used all her strength to shove me back.

"Why now?" she growled.

"What?" I stumbled briefly, but then managed to get my footing. Liz was livid and coming at me with a deadly glare.

"I said, why now? I thought it was fucking clear that summer what I felt for you, but you threw it away and ignored me for Fantine! And now that I'm with Cunningham you're coming at me with this 'feelings' bullshit?"

Liz got a better hold on her things and started off again. As soon as she turned her back on me, I felt my stomach drop. If she walked away then, I knew she would be walking out of my life forever. All I could think about was Liz in Cunningham's arms, in Cunningham's bed, in his world, and I couldn't just let that happen.

"Liz, I was in love with you!" Frantic, I grabbed her wrist. "I'm _**still**_ in love with you!"


End file.
